Sunday, June 28, 2015

Yamato 2

1/22/15

Training's been going really well. I really only took a week off after my last fight (S cup in Japan). Fortunately I wasn't banged up at all. Just that little cut on the top of my head from the headbutt. I was pretty pissed off about Lion Fight not allowing me to do the K1 in China on New Years, particularly since it still would have been 3 months away from this one. Just one of the things we need to straighten out if I'm going to resign with them, but that's another story all together. I can't wait for this fight. Yamato is a great, exciting fighter and I know that we will bring out the best in each other once again. I also know that as long as I make a few adjustments he won't even be able to touch me. I've been hitting it pretty hard. Went to Vegas for 10 days over Christmas to spend it with my family (sisters/nephews/mom), which was really nice. Only trained once or twice while I was there. Went home for two days for New Years and then went out to San Diego to visit Artem for five days. Trained almost everyday out there and was running 6-7 miles a day. Met up and had lunch with my dad one day, which was interesting. I truly hope that he has changed and learned from being in prison and all that but who knows, I have my doubts but hope for the best. The last day I was there Patrick, who used to own The Boxing Club, let Artem and I borrow his 64' Stingray. We picked it up and drove up the coast. Had lunch at this nice little spot near the ocean, it was beautiful, so relaxing. On the way up it felt as if Artem was driving crazy fast the entire time but on the way back he let me drive and I realized it's just the way the car feels and sounds. It was a lot of fun. That night we hung out over at Artem (Levin's) place with him, his wife and new born son. He lives in the same building complex as Artem. He would not stop feeding me cookies and treats ha. I was trying to be good but there was just this giant bowl of goodies sitting in front of me and I couldn't stop eating them. I got back on strict diet and training once I was home, even though I still have 12 weeks to go. I really want to take advantage of the time I have. Work on some technical things and get in the best shape possible as well as make this weight cut as easy as I can. Gaston's fight is 5 weeks before mine at Foxwood's so I want to be in there helping him get ready as well. I've been feeling super sharp and strong, just a little burned out. That's the one good thing about having all of this time, I can take breaks when I need to and not feel bad about them. Really been trying to work on my kick game, make them a lot more dynamic as well as powerful. They've been feeling really good. My right hand has been feeling strong and hasn't bothered me in a really long time, other then when the damn weather gets all cold, not that it's that bad but still. I love the heat!!! My car's still in the shop waiting on the rims and tires I ordered from Detroit. Just taking forever because of the holidays, can't wait! On my way to Vegas now to get Gatti tattooed on my ribs. I know it's going to be brutal but worth it. At first I had planned on getting up tomorrow and training but I really killed it this week and I'm fried. I need a break! I get in to Vegas at 10:30 PM then my tat is tomorrow at 1. I'm so exhausted. Did pads with RJ this morning, ran 2 miles and then 6 tabata rounds on the air dyne/bag. Then this afternoon I ran another 5 miles, hit pads with Kirian then taught class and headed straight to the airport.

1/29/15

Well that sucked! Honestly it wasn't as bad as I had imagined it would be, but close. For the first time probably ever my flight leaving Oakland wasn't delayed. Got to Chaz's, hung out with him for a bit, grabbed a bite to eat then crashed out. When I woke up I had forgotten that I was getting tattooed that day, “Aw crap, this is going to suck!” Chaz and I met my mom, sister and the boys over at Sunrise Cafe and had breakfast. I was really starting to dread getting this tattoo done the longer we sat there. This one, and the one on my throat, were the only one's I've really dreaded and seriously thought about backing out of. When we finished I said bye to Chaz then went with my sister to drop my mom and the kids off at her place before she took me to the shop. Got to see Emma for a bit, which was wonderful. Janelle dropped me off and wished me luck. DJ was already sketching the pic out. “How big do you want this?”, he asked. I said about the size of my hand, or whatever ha. He says, “Come on man, let me do it huge.” F it, it's just more pain right. He got the stencil on. I knew that it would be amazing and would be over before I knew it, just gota get through this. At least I didn't have to hang upside down like I had to when he had done my throat. I just kept thinking about how Chaz had told me that he could only do about an hour and a half at a time on his before he had to stop. Well 1, that wasn't an option for me as I had to fly out tomorrow and 2, I ain't no bitch haha. I lay down and got ready for the pain. He got started and it wasn't too bad, bout the same as my throat, definitely no picnic About half an hour in it got pretty awful. I was trying to to tense up but also not to breath too much so that I wouldn't mess him up, which was pretty damn difficult. He asks, “Are you breathing man?” I say, “Yea but trying not to move much.” He tells me that I can breath as much as I want, that won't mess him up, just to try and keep from tensing up. Well that makes things a lot easier to deal with. He took a break after about an hour and a half. From the amount of pain I had been in and the time it took I assumed he had gotten a good portion finished. When I looked down at it I was devastated to see that he had only done most of his mouth and a bit of the outline. Son of a!!!! How was I going to get through this? I had also thought that he had already gone up really high on my rib cage from what it felt like but it was only in the middle. Damnit! The next hour or so was absolute torture but I focused on my breathing as best I could and it helped. I sounded like a dog snoring though. He kept asking me if I was OK After that session he had a good amount done, thank goodness, but still a long way to go. “We're getting there”, he says. Argh! Going into the 3rd session I tell myself, “Look, it's going to suck no matter what. Even though on the outside I'm as cool as a cucumber and not moving on this inside I'm dying. Why don't you use this opportunity to work on your mental strength. I want you to try and keep that same breath no matter how painful it gets the entire time. Hell why don't you try and fall asleep. That would be amazing.” Well I didn't fall asleep but I did however manage to keep that same breath, nice and calm, throughout the rest, never tensing up. I could have sat there all day. He finally finished and it turned out so amazing! Thanked him and told him that maybe I'd get Layla on the other side this summer. Janelle picked me up and we went and had dinner at her house. I was pretty out of it and sore. Emma dropped me at Chaz's afterwords. Later that night Bradley and I hit that Ramen spot by Chaz's house. I ate way too much as usual!!! So good though. The next day Chaz, Jason, my mom, sister, the kids and I hit this little breakfast spot Chaz had found on Yelp. It was pretty good. Had these bomb ass cinnamon rolls. Said bye to everyone after that and then went back to Chaz's for a minute then he took me to the airport. Of course my flight back was delayed, almost always is. 2 hours. I was so tired and starving by the time I got home. Keep feeling like I'm on the verge of getting sick but never do. I've had to take it a little easy lately because of my tat but next week I really need to pick it up. Coy Garbrandt from Ludwig's is coming down on Friday to spar. He had hit me up on Instagram saying he'd love to come work with me/us. Finally got my car back, looks so sick!

2/8/15

Took it easy on Monday. Just lifted and moved around a bit with the guys. I absolutely wrecked myself on Tuesday. Did 8 rounds with RJ, ran 2 miles then did the bog work conditioning with Gaston and MJ. I felt good throughout all of it. Was pouring sweat, even more so than usual, which is a lot. It was as if someone had busted a fire hydrant. I was drenched. Went home, showered and tried passing out. I felt as if I had short circuited myself. Went back around 3ish so I could get a good stretch in. At 4:30 Jason (who was in town training), Gaston and I did another 5 miles. Moved around but, just technique, with Eddie and Jason when we got back. I was feeling pretty good. Smashed out some pad work with Kirian. Felt sharp and strong but my legs and hips were wrecked. I haven't been able to get in to see Deanne lately so all this training has really been adding up. Did an hour straight of clinching after that. Felt pretty good but was just pouring sweat. Felt like I was cutting weight. Had to teach after that. I was a zombie, so out of it! I needed some good quality calories to refuel. I seriously looked, and felt, as if I had just cut 10 pounds. I wouldn't be surprised if I had dropped about 7. I was so out of it, couldn't even think. My head was killing me too, I was in agony. I could barely sleep that night because of it and had to be up at 7 to take Gatti to the vet, he has a little rash on his belly. Went home and tried to pass out after I took him. I was a mess, there was no way I was going to train. I was so exhausted but not able to sleep. I was all out of whack and uncomfortable. My head was still killing me, my body was fried and I was in agony. I was never able to fall asleep, just lay there in pain. I canceled my night session as well. I was useless, there was no point. I had to go in and teach at 6:30, I was so out of it. Finally finished up and went home. Picked up some Pho' in hopes that it would help, as well as some fried rice and spring rolls. I was starving and needed to recover. It was so good and made me feel a lot better, although my head was still killing me. I took Thursday morning off as well. Just did a 3 mile run the time before pads with Kirian Thursday night. Felt pretty good. Did my best to keep it technical and not over do it. Really been working on getting my kicks a lot better, more dynamic. They feel great. Sparred with everyone after that then taught class. I was feeling a lot better, not that I could have felt any worse. I've been focusing on my technique, timing and rhythm more lately as well. I slept in on Friday to make sure that I was fully recovered I just think that I still had a little sickness in me and my body wasn't ready to push as hard as I had on Tuesday. Ran Friday night then we all moved around. We all went out to sushi that night after training since Jason is heading back to Vegas on Saturday after training. I meant to only eat a little but once we were there I said F it and stuffed myself. Typical! Oh well, might as well do it while I can. Could hardly sleep Friday night and had to go in early on Saturday to help Gaston out because he had to go see his pops in the afternoon. His grandfather had passed away from a heart attack Friday night. I was so exhausted when I went in at 9am. I stretched out as Gaston hit a run. We sparred for over an hour. He left after that and I hit a 5 mile run with Jason. I felt OK, just worn out. Showered at the gym because Jason and I were going to grab lunch before he had to go to the airport. We hit Eric's and I just had a salad. Said bye then headed home and rested most the rest of the day. I was really struggling with food that night. I just wanted to get a pizza and a bunch of cookie but fortunately I was too lazy to get up ha. Slept till like noon today (Sunday), so tired! Going to go down and help Gil out tomorrow in the city. Been feeling really weird about this fight. Maybe because I'm still so far out and already been training for so long. I know that once I really pick it up that everything will fall in place. Happy to already be in great shape and my weight is good.

2/14/14

Another brutal week down. Hit a 3 mile run on the treadmill before I worked with Gil on Monday morning. We just did some light sparring/technique trying to get him sharpened up on his fundamentals. Super basic stuff but it's things most people, particularly MMA fighters, are missing. Always amazes me how the simplest things really blow people's minds. I guess if you've never learned them they do seem like magic ha. Showered and hit the road after that. Was able to make it home around 2 so had about an hour to chill. Got some food, rested and then headed to the gym. Did a lift with Jesse, knocked out some squats. Still feeling pretty wrecked. Did about an hour of technique with the guys after that, Gaston's looking really sharp!

2/17/15

Thursday I went in, did a 3 mile run with Gaston, felt totally shot, then we did the bag work conditioning. I'm so fried out! Did another run that night, again feeling shitty. On pads my body was just useless. I feel sharp and technique is on point, just totally burnt out. Told Kirian that I'm going to ease back this week so that I can hit it hard for the next 5. The only problem is that Jeff (to film) and Chaz are coming in for the next 2 days and I need to take advantage of the time they are here. Woosah! Jeff got to my house around 9 Friday morning. We hung out for a bit and then he drove us the hour to Marin Headlands where there's an abandoned military base he wanted to shoot at. It was a pretty suck spot. I'd been out that way before but just to the beach. We did a little photo shoot then some shadow boxing for the video. I was so out of it and exhausted but it felt good to get my body moving around a little. Thankfully it was surprisingly warm there, other than in the shade. When we left 'waze' got us super lost and drove in a giant circle for about 30 minutes. It was kind of funny but at the same time I was exhausted and starving. Finally we were on our way back to my house and I fell asleep for a bit. When I woke up I felt so nauseous. Thought I was going to have to puke out the window but fortunately it passed. Think it was just a combination of me being wrecked, exhausted and the sun beaming down on me as I slept. When we got back in town we hit up Muscle Maker for some lunch. I ate so much hoping that it would help me recover some. I was so tired and normally would have taken the night off but Jeff wanted to get some of my pad work filmed and figured we might as well do it now because who knows how I'd be feeling tomorrow. We headed to my house after that, I was so out of it that I could barely keep my eyes open .Only had about 30 minutes before we had to go to the gym. Jeff was working on his computer editing in the living room so I took the opportunity to rest and crashed in my bed. Unfortunately I wasn't able to fall asleep but it was still nice to lay there and relax. Packed up my gear, fed the pups and we headed to the gym. Not only could I not take the night off, which I normally would have done feeling as shitty as I was, but I needed to really push myself so Jeff could get some good footage. We got there around 4:30 and I did my best to stretch out and warm up. It must have been obvious how bad I was feeling because MJ asked if I wanted an energy drink . Normally I don't like putting that crap in my body but this was an emergency. It actually saved my life and woke me up. Did about an hour of moving around with Eddie, Gaston and Diego. Once we got going I started feeling good. Well, better. My body and brain were still shot but my technique was on point. We finished up at 6:30 so I could hit with Kirian for a few rounds. Jeff had been filming the entire time. I was drenched in sweat already. Thankfully we hit pads after sparring instead of before because it had really loosened me up. We did about 5 rounds and I was doing my best to really push it. I was struggling but managed. We went and had dinner over at Liz's with Jackie after that. They made some amazing steak, sweet potatoes and veggies. I was starving and really needed to recover so I let myself eat until I couldn't anymore. We hung out for a bit and then I took Jeff over to Gina's old condo. The owner, Angelo, was nice enough to let us borrow it for the weekend even though Gina had just moved out. By the time I dropped him off it was already 11. Went home and crashed out. I was wrecked and knew that tomorrow would be even worse. Got up at 8, felt as if I could have slept for a week. Chaz was landing at 10 so I had to head out at 9:30. Had a little breakfast, made some coffee and hit the road. It was a beautiful morning out and was supposed to hit the 70's in the afternoon. Picked up Chaz and we got to the gym around 10:30. Jeff was already there setting up his stuff. I stretched out for a bit. Was feeling a lot better than I had been on Friday but still pretty wrecked. I still have 6 more weeks until the fight so it's not as if I need to do some psycho work out but I still want to take advantage of Chaz being here. We hit a light, 3 mile run at 11:30, Lumpinee pace. It was so nice out. Got back, shadow boxed a bit and then did some no pads, technique with Chaz and Gaston. Got in some good rounds but towards the end Chaz hit the ground yelling in pain. I, as well as everyone else, had immediate flashbacks of when I had blown my knee out and were momentarily freaked out. Fortunately it was just a cramp as his calf had locked up. Still extremely painful but not an injury. He rolled out of the ring so that Kirian could work on him and then Gaston and I finished up with a few more rounds. They were able to get Chaz's calf loosened up enough to where we were able to get in some clinching for about half an hour. Just had to be careful. I finished up with some exercises and stretched Grabbed a shower and then Jeff did an interview with Chaz, Kirian and another short one with me. Jeff was dying from his allergies, looked like someone had hit him with a truck, so afterwords he headed to the city to meet up with his wife. Chaz, Kirian, Jesse and I all went to this new restaurant called 'Lazy Dogs' over by the movie theater It was so good. Sweet potato tatter tots, mashed potato balls, salad and I had this sort of chicken curry thing. Chaz got an Ahi tuna burger, which he let me try. It was amazing. He also got these fries that had some kind of amazing sauce on them. I couldn't stop stuffing my face. I was so stuffed. Said bye to them and we stopped by my place so I could feed the pups. Headed to Gina's, where Chaz was staying, and hung out for a bit. We had to leave at 4:30am to the airport so I was just going to crash there. We headed over to Liz's once again for dinner. They had kabobs, sweet potato fries and brussel sprouts this time. So amazing although I was still full from lunch. It was so good though I couldn't stop eating. They fried up some bananas for dessert and put almond milk, dark chocolate, almonds, honey and sun butter on them. Too good!!! I was gonna pop! Loafed on the couch for a bit then Chaz and I went back to Gina's around 11. Crashed for a few hours then took him to the airport. I was so wrecked, thought I might fall asleep driving home. Got back around 5:30 and passed out. Hoped that I would sleep all day. I needed it! Woke up around 2 feeling like I had been run over by a dump truck filled with Valium I was a zombie. Lay around most of the day but eventually had to get up and go to the gym to get my gear as I had to work with Gil Monday morning. I needed to hit the grocery store as well. I really wanted to make protein pancakes but I was way too out of it and lazy for that. Got home and took an Epsom salt bath hoping that it would loosen me up some. It made me feel a lot better although I had the worst migraine afterwords, and all the rest of the day. Headed to the city around 9:30 Monday morning. Got some good work in with Gil, just technique. Got done at noon, showered and headed home. Rested for a bit, got some food and then hit the gym. I was definitely feeling a lot better. All the food I had over the weekend had really helped. Now matter how good I felt I knew that I needed to take it easy this week. Well, easy for me. Went in at 3:30 to stretch out then did some stuff with Jesse. Dead lifts, which I love and hate. Afterwords he had me do these damn back extensions with the bands. Trying to fix my awful posture, break my turtle shell. It killed my back but after I felt a lot better. Did some light technique with Gaston and everyone as it was his last real day of training He was doing conditioning in the morning and even though I was feeling good I knew that I needed to rest. Still did a 3 mile run and 6 rounds with RJ. Did another 5 miles at night with Eddie and then we did some technique sparring. Hit pads with Kirian, was feeling good but my hips and legs were pretty shot from the run and dead lifts the night before. My weight had shot up to 163 over the weekend, although I knew that a good portion of it was the food still in me. I did salads and shakes all week and by Wednesday morning I was back down to 156.7, way ahead of schedule although my plan had been to be at 155 by Gaston's fight. Almost went in Wednesday morning to run and lift then remembered this is supposed to be my 'ease back' week and it hadn't been much different than my usual one. Took the morning off and relaxed. Went in at night and did this damn ball throw, sled pull conditioning Jesse put me through last week, 5 rounds this time. Eddie joined me half way through but did all 5. We did some technique sparring after that for about half an hour. Eddie had to teach the boxing class as Kirian was already out at Gaston's fight and MJ was running late. No big deal as I wanted to take it easy anyway. It was nice to have a 'light' day.

2/19/15

Got up this morning at 7. Exhausted as usual but I have actually been sleeping good lately...not that it helps. Got to the gym at 8, stretched out and then hit a 5 mile run. My legs were still pretty shot but they loosened up after the 2nd/3rd mile. Hit 8 rounds with RJ after that, felt pretty good. Once again I was drenched. It's as if my body is trying to push out every ounce of water it has in it. A few rounds of shadow boxing, my exercises and then called it a day. Got home around 11, showered, ate, finished packing and then headed to the airport. I'm on the plane now heading to Connecticut. Hopefully the weather won't be too terrible.

2/21/15

Well that was interesting. My hand is killing me right now so this is difficult to write. Not sure why, maybe arthritis. Feels as if it was run over and is full of fluid. On flight #2 on my way home. I was passed out for a good bit but have no clue what time it is or how long we have to go now. The flights out there weren't too bad and I was happy to find out that the 2nd flight was only an hour and a half, not 3. Landed in Connecticut at 12:30am. The same driver that had picked me up when I fought out there grabbed me again. He was surprised that alls I had with me was a hoodie and a back pack. Told me that it was -15 out. Oh fun! As soon as we stepped outside the cold hit me like a freight train. Went deep into my bones. I regretted not bringing something warmer when I saw how far we had to walk to his car. Damnit! It was still tolerable, but just barely. He cranked up the heat as soon as we got in the car and we headed to the casino. There were huge banks of snow along the roadways from them being cleared and there was almost no one on them. So happy not to live in this anymore. Took an hour to get up to the hotel, I was exhausted. Thanked him and then went and checked in. The lady at the desk told me that they only had rooms left on the smoking floor, asked if that was OK Do I have a choice? She seemed to be having a rough night so I did my best to be pleasant, on top of not really caring anyway. Was so nice to get to my room and get in bed. I probably didn't fall asleep until well after 2 and then got up at 6:50 so I could check in for my flight home tomorrow. I had the salad I brought on the plane for dinner on the way out here. It was pretty good, as far as salads go, but literally felt as if I'd eaten nothing afterwords. I had hit Kirain up when I got to the casino to see if he had eaten already. I wasn't starving but I could definitely have eaten. He said that he had grabbed some food a little earlier and the only thing open now was Dunkin Donuts. I had eaten my steel cut oats, sun butter and fruit after the gym before I left, so amazing! After I Checked in for my flight I had planned on going back to sleep until Gaston hit me up for breakfast but he texted me shortly after only to tell me we'd go eat around 9. We texted back and forth for a bit. He sounded like he was feeling good and seemed to be in a good state of mind. Did my best to go back to sleep but was never able to. I was beyond exhausted Oh well! I could sleep as much as I wanted to after we ate. I didn't have to be at my signing until 5:30 and the amateur fights didn't even start until 7 because of the time delay for the west coast TV. Got in the elevator to head downstairs to breakfast to meet Gaston and Caitlin but when the doors opened they were both in it. It was pretty cold walking through the casino. Felt as if someone had a bunch of windows open. I was only in a t shit, which I really regretted when I felt how cold it was in the restaurant, Verandata. Same spot I had hit the last 2 times I had been out here. Not only was it freezing in there but they had the fan above us on. WTF? I asked the hostess if she could turn it off. “Yea, OK, I'll ask.” Didn't seem too promising. I was dying. Caitlin gave me her scarf and I got a coffee, which I didn't even want since I was planning on going back to sleep, in hopes they would help warm me up. When our waitress came over I asked if she could get the fan turned off. She said yes and took our order. I wanted to stay on my diet as best I could, particularly since I wasn't going to be training, but I was also starving. Got eggs, hash browns and toast. Gaston looked good, back to life after the weight cut. He told me how idiotic the commission had been yesterday at weigh ins. “The freaking guy spends almost 30 minutes going over the history of weigh ins and tells us, 'If you don't make weight make sure you don't eat or drink anything cause you will gain it back and you can try again once more.” Are we idiots? “I told you man”, I say, “Beyond clueless!” We finish up and head back to our rooms. I tell them to hit me up whenever he wants to grab lunch. Closed the curtains, got comfortable and lay back down. So exhausted but eating, as well as the coffee, had woken me up a bit. Bummer! I just lay there, at least I could rest a bit and hoped I would eventually fall asleep. Unfortunately I never did. Jason hit me up around 3ish, Gaston did as well shortly after. Met them both, as well as Caitlin, downstairs. We waited for Kirian and then all headed back to Verandata once again. I got the Philly cheese steak with no bread or cheese, sweet potato fries. Caitlin ordered a kale smoothie and they accidentally brought out 2 so she gave the extra one to me. Wasn't half bad. It was fun hanging with everyone. Remembered my jacket this time however I didn't need it as it had warmed up a bit. Figures. Gaston was nice enough to pay for everyone. I wanted to get back to my room so I could attempt to sleep before I had to get up and get ready. Said goodbye to everyone and hurried back. It was no use. Once again I just lay there. Got up around 4:45 and got in the shower. Not sure which genius designed it but they clearly hadn't thought it through. It was just a shower, no tub and only had a little raised platform with a small lip. This did absolutely nothing to keep the water from going everywhere. I did everything that I could to try and find a way to make it work but it was useless. Half of my bathroom was flooded. Not only that, the water barely got warm. Fortunately there were a bunch of extra towels so I put them all down in hopes to dry up some of the flood. I shaved after that but 1, I hadn't brought any shaving cream so used soap and 2, the damn water wouldn't get hot which caused all the soap to clog up the razor to where it barely worked. It was pretty painful, my face was on fire. Felt as if I had tried shaving with a butter knife. My hair is in that weird growing out stage where it's still not long enough to really do anything with. Keep wanting to chop it off but I told myself, as always, this is my last time I'm gona do anything with it for a fight so gotta enjoy it. Headed down at 5:20 so I could grab a coffee at Starbucks before going to the venue. The people in front of me in line were fans and got a bunch of pics with me. Always makes me smile seeing how happy people get. Amazes me! Doubt I'll ever get used to it. Thanked them then headed out. They had a table set up with a bunch of pictures printed out for me to sign for people, as well as the belt. The Twins guy was there at the table selling his gear as well as some Lions Fight stuff. Had a steady flow of fans over the next hour or so, all different kinds. Kirian came by around 6:30 and hung out till I was done. At one point Bob Rider, Muay Thaimes guy, came by. It's always an experience talking with him. He comes over, shakes my hand, holding on to it, telling me how great it has been following my career, giving me a bit of advice and saying how he's 70 now and that he doubts he will be around much longer. It was pretty sad, not to mention he had tears in his eyes. Gaston and Caitlin showed up for a bit towards the end then headed inside. I followed along shortly after. Chris Mauceri grabbed a pic with me , wished him all the best for the fight. Ran into Sittisak as well, good seeing him. Hadn't seen him since our fight 5 years ago. Told him ,”Chok dee.” Headed in to the venue with Kirian and after a bit of work getting around all the people we found our way into the back. The idiot commission not only decided to take the main, large, warm up room but one of the others as well. Which they didn't even need. Someone needs to be smacked!!! It was so cramped in the rooms that most people just hung out in the hallway until it was there time to get ready. Ran into Mike Valle, who I had met years earlier at Greg Jackson's when I was visiting Gina & even once prior to that in Guadalajara. Was so good to see him, we chatted for a bit. He told me how he'd left New Mexico about 6 months back. Was just sick of the whole MMA lack of loyalty, not taking care of trainers, jumping from gym to gym, things. He'd moved out to Chicago where he'd been doing really well. He'd been helping Richard Abraham, who was fighting Jo Nattawut. He told me there were a lot of gyms in his area that would love to have me out for a seminar. Told him to hit me up anytime and I'd be happy to come. Said goodbye and I headed to the locker room. Jason, Gaston, Richard, Keith, Bryce Lawrence and a few others were all crammed in there. Fortunately there was a bathroom which was pretty big so I just pulled up a chair and chilled in there. Gaston was the 3rd pro fight on the card, 2nd televised, Jason was 5th. Everyone was pretty relaxed and there was a good energy in the room. Keith was warming Bryce up, it was his first pro fight. Said hi to Keith and then Bryce came over and said how honored he was to be on the same card and sharing the same dressing room as us. Still is always so strange for me to hear. I went up to watch his fight as there was still a good 45 minutes before the televised fights would start. Made sure Gaston and Kirian didn't need anything and headed up as they were just walking out. Scott had given me a ringside ticket but I just stood by the backdoor so I could head back down as soon as the fight was over. Bryce and Tim had a crazy war, bloody as hell. Bryce dropped him in the 1st and was pushing forward the entire fight but Tim started coming back about halfway through. He was smashing Bryce's legs in the entire time, it was brutal. They were both a mess by the end of it. Great fight! Bryce took the win but he definitely paid for it. Headed back downstairs after it was over. Kirian was getting Gaston wrapped up. I always get nervous when my friends fight but for some reason this time was really bad. I probably just noticed it more because last time I was also fighting. Julio Pena was up next. He also came over and said what an honor it was to be there. I didn't get to watch his fight but he ended up knocking his opponent out badly. Good night so far for the blue corner. Gaston was doing some boxing with Kirian, there was hardly any room for them to even move around. I was just waiting for someone to accidentally get knocked out. He was looking super sharp and relaxed. Wasn't sure if he was going to want to get any clinching in so I took the stuff out of my pockets and my rosary off just in case. Finally they called us up. I put Gaston's mongkol and flowers, I had brought him all of mine from home, on. Grabbed his skull bandana and we headed up. “You've never trained harder, never looked better. Go out there and do your thing. Take your time, pick him apart. Don't look for the knock out, it will come. I love you brotha!”, I said, as my stomach was in knots. The music starts and I realize that it's the same song that I had come out to when I fought here, “Vivir mi vida” by Marc Anthony, and a smile came over my face. Kirian and I walked up to the ring and held down the ropes. Gaston jumped over, bowed to all four corners and then sealed the ring off. He came back to our corner as they made the announcements. I was still super nervous. First round starts and they are just feeling each other out. Gaston was picking him apart but having a little trouble with the distance. Going into the 2nd I told him to keep doing what he'd been but to stop looking for the big shots, that's why he's having trouble with his range. Just touch, touch and the big shots will land automatically. He started picking it up more and Caleb didn't have any answers and was slowly starting to crack. Gaston through a bunch of spinning elbows but was just barely missing. Going into the 3rd I told him to use his hands to bridge that gap and to set things up better. He had just been trying to land big shots from too far away and it was leaving him out of position and it was the only reason Caleb had even been landing anything. He started putting it together and getting his rhythm this round. At one point they were clenched up against the ropes in the corner, Gaston ducked down and threw a spinning elbow. Cracked Caleb right on the chin. He wobbled as the ref came in to break them up, staggered and then hit the canvas. The ref started counting but it was no use, Caleb's brain's were scrambled and he waived it off. I was so happy for Gaston, such a relief. Took some pictures in the ring and then Gaston and Kirian headed downstairs. I stayed up to watch Jo and Richard fight. It was pretty brutal. Richard just couldn't get inside and Jo was picking him apart with hard, hard kicks. Some of them you could barely hear, which you know is even worse. Richard kept trying and hung in there but the level gap between them was just way too much. Ended up going to the judges, and even though Richard had been dropped one judge had it a draw. WTF? Something really needs to be done about this. Freaking insane. After that I ran downstairs as Jason was getting ready to go up. Gave him a hug, told him I loved him and to do his thing. His coach handed his banner to me, guess that means I'm helping in the corner. Jason had fought John Nofer once before when they were amateurs, several years back and completely destroyed him. I figured it would just be more of the same. Jason just needed to be smart. He went out there and had fun like he always does but this time he didn't have that killer instinct edge. He always enjoys himself but it seemed like he wasn't serious this time and it cost him. John was looking for power shots so Jason was out working him easily but getting tagged hard from time to time. Going into the 3rd I could see John was slowly starting to lose his confidence. I told Jason to keep doing what he was doing but needed to watch out for his power shots. About half way through the round Jason got slammed with an elbow on the chin and went down hard. Somehow he got up. John was looking to pounce on him, Jason went to touch gloves as he smiled, which was a mistake as John cracked him with another elbow They started going into heavy elbow exchanges, ended up against he ropes and the ref called a halt to the action. Jason had a giant gash around his eye and the ref waived it off. Once I saw just how bad it was I knew it had been the right call. I felt bad for Jason but hopefully this will teach him some valuable lessons he needs to learn if he plans on continuing. Scott grabbed me to introduce and take pics with some VIP's. Chris Mauceri was fighting Sittisak in the co main event. It went about how I expected it to. Chris pushing the pace with good boxing combinations, which he would land but just not enough, and Sittisak sitting back looking for openings for hard elbows, knees and kicks. What did surprise me, however, was how Chris managed not to get cut by any of the elbows because there were a lot and they were hard. His luck ran out in the 5th though and a huge gash got opened on his head. More than anything I was worried that these idiot judges would screw up the decision, after seeing what one of them had done on Richard's fight, but they got it right and Sittisak came away with the unanimous decision. I hit up Gaston to see what they were up to. I had no interest in the main event, Jorina Baars vs Chantal Ughi. He told me they were heading back to their room to shower and then go eat. Told them to just hit me up when they were leaving to get food. On the way back to my room I got stopped several times for pictures. Always nice! I was so exhausted and would’ve just passed out but I was starving. I was almost passed out when they finally hit me up about 20 minute later and told me to meet them at Fudruckers, which was on the way back towards the venue. Headed back that way and again got stopped several times for photos. People kept apologizing to me. “Sorry for what?”, I'd say, “It's my pleasure!” There was a huge line at Fudruckers which Caitlin, Gaston and Kirian were at the front of. As I walk up Caitlin was getting into it with this guy and his girlfriend. “Well this is fun”, I say laughing. Wasn't sure quite what was going on but I ordered and we got a table, someone was nice enough to give us there's as their were only 2 of them sitting at a big one. I just had a chicken salad and watched everyone else eat their tasty burgers. Damnit! After we ate I bounced as they were all heading to the after party. Ain't no way in hell I was going to that. Went up to my room, it was already midnight. I was going to try and sleep a bit but had to be up at 4. Set my alarm just in case I was able to. Think I did pass out for a little bit but wasn't long, maybe 20 minutes. I was going to shower but I didn't feel like dealing with the flood again. Packed up my stuff and headed downstairs to check out. The limo guy was already there waiting. After a few minutes Gaston and Caitlin came down and Kirian a little after that. It was so cold and I was exhausted and starving, again. I tried to rest on the way but it was useless. I just couldn't get comfortable and I was freezing. We got to the airport but still had about an hour to kill after we got to the gate. Kirian was going to look for some food, asked if I wanted anything. “If you find something healthy”, I say, but I wasn't going to get my hopes up. He came back awhile later with an egg white McMuffin from McDonald's. Dangit! Normally I would never touch that poison but I was starving and felt bad as he had gotten it for me. I immediately regretted my decision, after one bite my stomach was already pissed off. Took one more then tossed it, yuk! How do people eat this shit? Hopefully I wouldn't feel like garbage during the flights home because of it. I ended up sleeping through about half of each and we landed back home around noon. I didn't get back to my house till almost 3 as first we had to wait on Caitlin and Gaston's bags, which were lost, then take a shuttle to the car rental place, get the car, drop off Kirian at his house, Gaston at his, head to mine just to turn around because Gaston didn't have a key and then finally back to mine. I was a zombie by the time I got home, even more so than I already had been. Fortunately it was Saturday so I'd have all of tomorrow to rest. Didn't sleep as much as I had hoped to but got some good rest. Went down to the gym to grab my shoes on Sunday as I wanted to hit a run Monday morning, either before Gil, which I still wasn't sure if we were working or not, or around noon at home. Still had to go to the store as well, I had no food. I was so exhausted and grabbing my shoes from the gym that I said screw everything else that I needed to do and headed back home. I'd figure out food later. I did stop to get some Epsom salt so I could take a bath. Ended up stopping at the grocery store by my house as well to get some stuff to make a smoothy. Them damn Girl Scouts attacked me as I came out and I had to grab a box of Thin Mints. Damnit, bitches! Gil hit me up and said he had some press stuff to do so had to cancel. I could use the rest so I didn't care.

3/1/15

It's been a brutal week! Had planned on getting up early on Monday and either running at the park by my house or going to the gym and doing some stuff there but I ended up doing neither. I was so shot, figured I could use the rest. I knew that it was going to be a long ass week, no need to kill myself before it even gets started. Went to the gym around 3, hit a little 2 mile run to warm up then Jesse put me through a squat workout. Eddie joined me. After that we did some technical sparring, nothing crazy. Wanted to ease into the week. Tuesday morning I went in a little earlier than normal so that I could get a good warm up/stretch, then I did 20 minutes of jump rope and a few rounds of shadow boxing. Hit with RJ after that for about 8 rounds and was feeling pretty good. When we got done I did a few rounds on the bag and then my ab workout. Wasn't sure which conditioning circuit Kirian was putting me through so I just stretched as I waited. MJ joined me and we ended up doing the air dyne/bag work tabatas. Did 6 rounds, of each, all bag/all air dyne/half and half. Actually felt pretty good. Well my hips and shoulders were shot so it was pretty difficult to push but overall I felt good. We finished up around 12 and I ran home to shower, eat and attempt to rest. Which is always pointless but that don't stop me from trying. Went in at night and did a 5 mile run. My legs still felt like lead. Eddie, Diego and I moved around a bit until I hit with Kirian. Smashed out some pads. I felt sharp and my conditioning and technique were on point, my body is just fried. Wednesday morning Jesse put me through a a squat workout that had sprints in between sets. Suckfest! That night I hit my first session of actual sprints. Just did 3 x 5 minute rounds. Felt surprisingly good, especially considering it was my first one. Hit mits with RJ after that. Finally feel some improvements on the stuff that I've been focusing on. Did some straight boxing sparring with the team after that. Felt a lot better than I had last week when I just was feeling lost. Woke up Thursday morning weighing 155. Nice! I mean lower is better but that's pretty damn good. Slowly getting the last few off and then it will be an easy cut that last week. Did a little 3 mile run before pads with RJ. I was feeling pretty wrecked after we finished. Kirian put me through the bag work conditioning circuit. MJ joined. I killed it! My legs were so short from the week that it made the ring jumps almost impossible. I was so done after we finished. All's I wanted to do was pass out but once I got home, showered and ate I couldn't sleep. So annoying! Felt so fried. Got to the gym and had to have an energy drink, it was an emergency. Definitely helped. Did 5 miles with Eddie then we moved around a little while I waited for pads with Kirian. There was some photographer there doing some work, taking pics, all kinds of lights, etc. Wasn't sure if it was for Zoila or what but I hate that shit, even when it's for me. Reminds me of all the times in Vegas we had to deal with that at Toddy's. Kirian asked me if I was OK, guess it was pretty obvious I was a mess. “Yea I just want to pus hit today then I'm taking tomorrow off”, I say. Got through the pads, Matt Lucas was there doing his weekly write up on me for his articles. It's always the day someone is filming that I feel like shit. Why can't they ever come when I'm feeling good ha. We all clinched after that. Only thing that kept me going was in knowing that tomorrow I was taking the day off. Had a hard time teaching my class once we were done. My brain and body were just fried out. On top of that I was freezing. Felt as if I was dreaming the entire time. Mush brain! The 'Out Of The Cave' food truck was at the gym that night. MJ grabbed me the diablo chicken with mashed sweet potatoes. I had to stop by sprouts on the way home. I was so out of it. Tool an Epsom salt bath, made me feel a lot better. Had my dinner, it was amazing and passed out around midnight. I slept until almost noon the next day. I was so out of it that I couldn't have trained even if I had wanted to. Got up and ate, tried watching a movie but passed out again around 2. I woke up and had no idea where I was, what time or even day it was. I was so confused and it was pitch black outside. Finally got my bearings and checked the time, 6pm, dang! I had slept for another 4 hours. I knew I needed it but was still feeling awful. When I went to bed Thursday night I swore I'd wake up sick, I just felt it coming on. I was coughing and my throat was starting to bug me. Fortunately I felt OK when I woke up. There's been some kind of respiratory sickness going around lately on top of allergies. I got in the jacuzzi Friday night for about 20 minutes. Felt good, my hips were screaming at me, so tight. I was in so much agony that Thursday night it was hard for me to fall asleep, just couldn’t get comfortable Fortunately I was able to sleep Friday night even though I had just slept about 16 hours. Rick had brought me home some sushi, so good! Just 1 regular roll and the rest sashimi. Gotta start getting the rest of this weight down. I got up at 11 on Saturday, had a few egg whites, turkey bacon and coffee and then headed to the gym. Got a good stretch in then Eddie and I hit a 5 mile run. It was so nice out, almost warm. Got back and did some technique sparring. My brain and body were so fried out that I was actually worried about getting hit in the head. Not sure if I'd ever felt that out of it, kinda freaked me out. Clinched with Gaston for about 20 minutes when we got done. Eddie had to bounce. As exhausted as I was I still felt sharp. Starting to really get comfortable with the range and timing I've been working on. I just stretched out after that and then only did half my normal ab routine. Been in bed most the rest of the weekend. Felt like garbage Saturday night, coughing again, but feeling better today. I was going to get up early and run but didn't want to push my body when it feels this fragile. Gotta hit one last lift with Jesse Monday since we missed Friday. Hopefully I didn't gain too much weight over the weekend. Everything that I've been eating has been healthy so either way it will come off quickly. Went to Gaston's today for lunch. He made the most amazing protein pancakes ever. Got a new battery for the Lincoln, still won't start and all of a sudden my cover isn't keeping out the rain, not to mention my computer decided to take a dump, WTF? Damnit!

3/3/15

Worst cheat day of all time Sunday. I couldn't figure out what I wanted but I knew I needed to figure it out before things closed so I had to rush. Problem was that I was still full from the pancakes at Gaston's so nothing sounded good. My original plan was to hit nation's because they have the bets burgers and I could get the hot dog I've been craving as well. But, as usual, I was stuck because I also wanted sweet potato fries. Habit has them and there burgers are good. As it got later I still hadn't decided and was starting to feel shitty. Been dealing with this stupid respiratory or allergy BS for like a month now. It's not that bad, more annoying than anything. Recently, at night and the mornings, it's been getting a lot worse. Coughing, congested, sore throat, etc but then during the day I'll be fine. Well I was starting to feel shitty again so I was second guessing the burger and thinking some soup would be a lot better and hopefully help clear me up. First wanted some Pho' but every place was closed. 9Pm on a Sunday, what the hell? Do these people hate money? My next thing was Thai spicy chicken soup. Was having a hard time finding a good place that was still open. Finally narrowed it down to a spot right up the street. They were closing in 30 minutes so I hurried and got my order in. It took me forever to find the place, kept driving circles around the shopping center that it was in. I finally called them and they told me exactly where they were. How the hell do these people stay in business? There's no way I could have found it if I hadn't called. I had gone to one spot earlier, which actually had almost the same name, but they were closed. Finally got my food and headed home. I was so excited. As soon as I got all comfortable in bed with the food all out in front of me my excitement quickly turned to disappointment, then annoyance, then anger. These bastards gave me the wrong order. Not sure if they got mine wrong or just gave me someone elses. Either way I was pissed. Nasty ass fried food. I tried to eat it anyway but it was making me sick. Dirty ass wings, soup that tasted like ass and some other friend wontons. Finally I stopped. My last day to have a cheat meal and they F'd it up. Figures. Eventually had some fruit cereal, which is always good, just beyond annoyed. Decided just to sleep in on Monday since I had been feeling lousy. Hit the gym around 3, felt so out of it and shitty. Fortunately I was just going to lift and clinch. After my warm up Jesse had me work my way up on some squats till I got to a heavy set of 5. Eddie showed up a little after I got started and got in on it. Once I got my weight set he had me drop it down to 135 and then had Eddie and I do a squat off. He does a rep then I do one until someone gives up. Great!!! I asked him what number I should be shooting for. “Around 40”, he says. “OK”. We get started, couldn't believe how shitty and shot I already felt and it's only Monday. As bad as I was feeling we were still knocking them out at a pretty good pace. After about 20 my ankle started locking up on me. Felt as if I had a chord wrapped around it and every time I dropped down it was filling up with more and more pressure. As usual I just ignored it. Got to 40 and got my second wind however my ankle felt like it was on the verge of popping. I tried shaking it out after every squat but it wasn't helping much and then I just started basically doing them on one leg. Part of me wanting to keep pushing it because I refuse to quit and I couldn't let Eddie beat me but at the same time I was trying to be smart as I still had a long ass week of training to go. After the 70th rep I racked it. Even though I knew it was the smart thing to do I was still mad. My ankle was killing me. Jesse had me do some band extensions with it and it seemed to help a bit. We went and clinched with Zoila, Diego and Gaston after that. Both of us were Jello legged and struggling just to stand after that work out. It was pretty funny. I was wrecked and still had to teach class. After we clinched I had Eddie punch my guts in for a round. I was so tired it was hard for me to be motivated while I taught, which I hate. This will be my last week teaching until after the fight. Went and saw Deanne and got some work done after that, which definitely made me feel better. Got home and had a chicken salad. Want to get another pound or two off. Slept OK but nothing compared to what I needed in order to recover and considering how wrecked I was you would think I'd just pass out the second my head hit the pillow. Got up at 7 today and checked my weight, 155, pretty good. Went in to the gym at 8:30 and stretched out, my legs were so shot from those damn squats. Thank goodness I hadn’t done more. Did a 3 mile run on the treadmill as I watched fights on my phone. Actually didn't feel too awful once I got going. Did 8 rounds with RJ after that. Technique was feeling nice and sharp, I was just surprised how shot my whole body already was. Knocked out some abs after while I waited on Kirian. MJ got there around 10 till and I asked him if he knew what we were doing but he was unsure. Kirian got there around 11 and told us to grab rowers. “Shit!”, I thought. Told us to do a 5 minute warm up. I'd been there since 8:30, think I'm pretty warm already ha. I could tell this was going to suck. My legs were done so they wouldn't be much help and my upper body wasn't much better. Oh well, what are you going to do, quit? The first round was all rower, 2nd all bag work, 3rd was rower with burpees over it, 4th was rower/ring jumps and 5th was all boxing on the water bag. Half way through the first round my body was just done. I just had to dig deep and grind it out. Most annoying part is it had nothing to do with my cardio or conditioning, my body was just shot. The worst was the burpees and ring jumps. I was just waiting to eat it but fortunately never did. I was a mess when we finished. As usual it looked as if I had just jumped in a pool. Went home, showered then tried passing out. It was already almost 1 and I needed to be up at 2 so that I'd have enough time to eat before heading back. Did my best to fall asleep but my body was so fried that I couldn't. I just lay there and tried to rest until 1:30 then watched a few fights. Made some lunch, coffee, fed the pups (Gatti is still being really weird with his food, not eating) and headed back to the gym at 3. Had to stop by the post office to mail a shirt to a fan in England and then the bank. Some ding dong almost ran into me because he was trying to pass me as I was changing lanes. Follows me to the gym, turns around, parks right next to me meanwhile I'm thinking, “WTF? This dudes about to have a seriously bad day!” Ended up just being someone who was going to the gym haha. I felt like a zombie, only worse. My body and mind were gone. Got a good stretch in while I watched Jongsanana vs Sangtiennoi, which somehow I had never seen before. Eddie and I hit a 5 mile run along the creek route, could barely call it a run, more like a fast walk. My legs were so shot. His were bad too from the squat off. Got back and lubed my legs up with as much Thai oil as I could. Kirian was finishing up with Alexis. Did a few minutes of technique with Eddie while I waited. Both of us were struggling trying to get our kicks up. Felt as if I had 100 pound dumbbells strapped to my legs. Kirian finished up and I jumped in the ring. My legs were on fire and my whole body was just gone. Thought I may black out at any moment. He could tell how shot I was, not that I could hide it. Asked me if I just wanted to skip pads, “No, let's go, I'm fine!”, I replied. I wanted to work and at least try. It was a struggle but I did what I could. Again the kicks were the worst, took everything I had to get my legs up there. Worked a bit with Gaston after that. I was so shot I just wanted to do technique so I put my 12oz gloves on but after the 1st round I realized that wasn't happening as he seemed to want to go. The next round I got my 16s so I didn't have to worry about hurting him too badly. He was pressing me hard. I've been working on my distance and movement but that wasn't happening today. It was taking everything I had to just stay upright and conscious. Did my best to just stand there. Used my lead arm to jam him up and create space and avoid his elbows. Kept my right hand glued to my head so even when he got close enough they all were blocked. As out of it as I was I still managed to do OK Not sure how many rounds we did. I must have blacked out haha. Somewhere between 6 and 8. Had Gaston punch my guts in for a round after that for some ab conditioning and then did about 30-40 power kicks, each leg, on the sand bag. I was the walking dead. Still needed to do my neck and abs. Walked through the Crossfit side to the neck machine back in the power room. I couldn't believe how freezing it was in there. “How the hell do you guys train like this?”, I asked. All the doors were wide open. Did my neck, 50 each direction, then back into the front to finish up with my abs. It was packed so I had to go in the ring. Knocked out a ton, was going to do my push ups as well but my body was toast so called it a night. I just stretched out a bit, got dressed and got the hell out of there. I was so done! Had a hard time even driving, my brains were mushed. Got home, showered, ate and now I'm in bed trying to figure out how in the hell I'm going to get through tomorrow. I'm supposed to hit sprints in the morning and do some bag work. It's a question of 'am I listening to my body or am I being a bitch?' such a fine line between the two. I know that regardless I'm going to feel awful. Ugh, woosah!!!

3/5/15

Well Kirian forced me to take yesterday morning off and just do some light work last night. Good thing too because even as badly as I felt I know that I still would have gone in there and pushed it. Got a bunch of really good, healthy food in me Tuesday night then slept until noon yesterday. I was still pretty exhausted and my body was utterly useless. Got to the gym at 3:30 so I'd have plenty of time to stretch and warm up. Rick got my Lincoln running so I drove it to the gym. Did some light, technical work with RJ. Felt OK, still sharp. Gaston came in and we sparred. It's his last night before going on vacation for 2 weeks. I was feeling really good seeing and defending the elbows, especially considering how out of it I was. We did some kicks on the sand bag after that, I was denting it in good, and then I had him punch my guts in for a round. Taught class afterwords, so exhausted. Got home, showered and just wanted to pass out. Had a little chicken salad as I made some ginger tea. I was waiting till after I took my Epsom salt bath to have dinner cause I knew that I would be hungrier afterwords. After the shower I got on the phone with Gina till almost 11 and still hadn't eaten or taken my bath. Almost said screw it but I knew that the bath would make me feel so much better. Got in there for 15 minutes and it definitely helped. Had some Buckhorn Grill for dinner and then passed out, it was almost 1am. I freaking wake up at 4am, what the hell. Kept trying to fall back asleep but at 6 I gave up and just got the day started. I was thinking how my fight with Thompson and Mauceri was only 6 weeks apart yet this one on May 22, that I really want to do, is 7 weeks from the July card but Lion said that if I do May then I can't do July, WTF? Told Kirian and he said that he would talk to them. I just want to be as active as possible, these long ass breaks are killing me. Went in this morning, got a good stretch before training and was feeling a lot better, just out of it from not sleeping. Did about 8 real light rounds with RJ. Skipped rope, shadow boxed and worked the speed bag beforehand. Kept it pretty light considering I'm missing part of my finger, I lopped it off while grating some ginger last night. Did some abs then tried hitting the bag a little so I could stay warm but I was so fried that I just sat down. Kirian told me he was just going to put me through something light but when he got there and saw how out of it I was he just sent me home. Hopefully I can get some rest and come back tonight and hit it hard.....Well I wasn't really able to sleep, maybe like 30 minutes but any rest is better than nothing. Hit a 5 mile run at 4:30, felt OK, a lot better on the last half of it. Did a little technique with Eddie till pad work with Kirian. Actually felt really sharp and was pushing pretty hard on the pads. Did some more technical work with Eddie and Zoila after that. Taught class then ran home to shower and then had to run to SFO to pick up Kru Dam. Figured that I'd be back soon enough and had my protein shake and banana after training so I was just going to wait to have dinner till I got back. But of course when I get to the airport I see that his flight is delayed an hour. I knew that I should have checked first. I was so exhausted and starving and it's not like I could eat any of the poison they serve at the airport. Woosah! I plopped myself up on a chair and just tried to rest. It was useless anyway as my phone kept going off. His plane landed at 9:55 but I had no clue how long it would take for him to get off, get his bags and then go through customs. I saw that some US citizens started coming out first, then the pilots and then finally, around 10:25, I saw him on the monitors and went to greet him. Was so happy to see him, as was he. We walked towards the parking garage but first had to pay the ticket. A lady was in front of us damn near having a nervous breakdown because she couldn't get the machine to take her money. She finally managed then I paid for mine and we headed to my car. It took about 45 minutes to drive him to his hotel, he was passed out the entire time. Got him to his room, staying at the Marriott by the mall, got his WiFi hooked up, which took some doing and then told him that someone would be by to grab him in the morning around 10. Said goodbye and headed home, I was so exhausted, had a hard time driving. Finally got home at midnight. Grabbed a quick bite to eat and passed out. I didn't wake up till almost noon, I was so fried. Wasn't feeling any better but knew that I had needed the rest. Got some food, coffee and headed to the gym at 3. Stretched out for a bit then Zach and Willy got there at 3:30 and we hit a 5 mile run at 4. It was so beautiful out, first time I've been able to go without a shirt. I felt pretty good, or maybe I was just distracted because we were talking the whole time. Hit pads with RJ at 5, felt OK just really out of it and off compared to yesterday. Hit with Dam at 5:30, it was so great going with him once again. It just took a bit for us to get used to the style and rhythm again, it had been a while. Did some sparring with everyone after that, feeling a lot better. Gotta go in early tomorrow morning because I have to leave at 1 for Madi's birthday party.

3/8/14

Got to the gym at 10 yesterday. I was 157 when I woke up, kind of annoying because I had hoped to be around 154 but I knew it was from taking it a little easier. All good. I was feeling OK, hips are still pretty jacked. Hit some sprints at 11, Eddie got in on them as well. Just 5x4 minute rounds this time. Felt decent, better than I thought I would, my calves just cramped up on me really bad. Eddie and I did a little technique sparring after the sprints, he had to leave at noon. Dam got there and we did about 30 minutes of pads, felt a lot better this time. My left kick still feeling like garbage, not sure why, but my rhythm and breathing are much more on point. Did a few more rounds on the bag, my exercises and then grabbed a shower. Jackie was supposed to be picking me up at 1 so we could go out to Madi's birthday party. After I showered I talked to Matt Lucas for a bit, who was there again for his weekly write up on me. Jackie got me around 1:30, said bye to everyone and headed out. Had my protein shake, banana and I had brought a salad to eat on the way. Jackie had brought me some chicken as well. Had a few bites and was full, yet still starving. Took almost 2 hours to get out to Roseville, thankfully there was no traffic. I hadn't realized how far away it was when I looked yesterday. I was exhausted and starving. The party was at this Chuck E Cheese type place. Felt as if we were at a 'People of Walmart' convention. Everyone was overweight and looked half dead, made me sad. Met Michael, Madi and Meg for the first time and he introduced us to the rest of his family. They were all nice and very appreciative of everything I have done for Madi. I couldn’t believe how big she was. I was expecting this little, dainty girl and here she was like a line backer. She was always by herself in all the pictures I had seen so I didn't have any point of reference. Her smile warmed my heart yet at the same time it was so heart breaking seeing how much she struggled. What did this poor little girl do to deserve being born this way. Just the way it goes sometimes I know but still. Eddie and his family got there about 30 minutes after us. We all hung for about another half an hour then everyone had to leave. We said our goodbye's and hit the road. I was so out of it. The food in there was so nasty, and I would never even dream of touching it regardless of diet but it did make me hungry. Took us about 2 hours to get back. I lay in bed and just wanted to pass out when I got home but I still needed to eat and I knew if I fell asleep I wasn't getting up. Finally got up and grabbed the rest of that chicken that Jackie had brought me, pretty bomb. I still had the worst headache from my neck being tweaked out. I was craving chocolate so badly. Eventually had some fruit cereal and passed out. Slept like 12 hours again and again felt so out of it when I got up. Dreamland. Got up and made some protein pancakes, they didn't turn out too great, couldn't get them to cook right. Just ate 3 little ones. Had to go and pick Dam up around 4 so I could take him to the grocery store. The problem was that MJ told me the wrong room number. Literally took almost 45 minutes to finally find him. Trying to communicate with MJ, Dam and Kirian through Google translate , I was getting ready to lose it. Finally found him and took him to the store “99 Ranch Market”.He got some meats, veggies, cooking oil, Coke, ice and then we bounced. Feel bad for him being stuck here all by himself and not able to speak English but it's no different from all the times I've struggled in Thailand. Snacked on some almonds but I was so annoyed from earlier that I just wanted to stop and buy some junk food. Finally got home. Rick helped me with my Lincoln, the battery had kept dying on me. Turns out that the A/C was causing a draw, even though it doesn't work. He clipped my battery wires and re hooked them, they had some corrosion and it started right up. Hopefully that did the trick. Gotta get up tomorrow do some sprints and bag work. I feel good, just really out of it. My hips and IT band are all jacked up as well.

3/9/15

It's only Monday and I'm wrecked. Got up this morning at 7:30, had my 2 hard boiled egg whites and coffee. Was actually feeling OK and even awake. Slept great last night. Didn't check my weight. Ate an entire box of those thin Oreo's that are mint fudge. I intentionally ate so much to make myself sick so that I wouldn't want then anymore. I'm such a weirdo. Going to wait until Wednesday to check my weight. I was really good all weekend other than that but regardless I want my weight lower. Trying to get it close to 15 out by this weekend, that would be ideal. Got to the gym at 9, stretched out as best I could, hips are still killing me. Hit my sprints at 10ish, Stephanie had brought Dam in, he asked me if we were working. I told him no I was just going to do my sprints and some bag work, as I had assumed he was working with other people. Knocked my sprints out, 5x5 minute rounds this time. Did 20 seconds on, 10 off for the first 3 rounds at 10/11/12 mph then 15 on 15 off at 13/14 mph for the last 2. Felt pretty great, well my cardio did anyway, my calves and hips were on fire. Could hardly walk when I stepped off the treadmill. Dam was watching my Yamato fight and couldn't understand how they had scored me losing. He was cracking up. I realized that he wasn't training anyone else so I asked him if he wanted to do some light work for a bit with me. He smiled of course. I didn't even wrap my hands, just put my little leather gloves on. We basically just did one long ass round, about 25 minutes. Nothing crazy but a lot more than I had planned on. I felt good though. Did some abs and stretched out after that. I was pretty exhausted. Had my protein shake, banana and headed home. Think I was able to fall asleep for about 20 minutes or so. Got up at 1:30, cleaned my rims and made some food as I got on my call/podcast with Sean Fagan. As usual I couldn't shut up once I start talking about Muay Thai and lost track of time. Had to rush to get all of my stuff together and didn't head out until 3:15. Could have used some coffee but I was in a rush. Had to pick Dam up before going to the gym. Drove the Lincoln, he loved it. Got to the gym at 4:30. My legs were so shot from the sprints earlier. I hoped the run would help wake them up. Towards the end of mile 2 I was thinking about calling it quits but then I thought about all those damn cookies I had eaten and hit the 3rd mile. Got back to the gym, Zoila was just finishing up with Dam and then we got started. Got some good work in, about half an hour. Feeling real sharp, tired but good. Did about half an hour with the guys after that. Just some no pads, technique sparring. Dam was coaching us as we worked. Called it a night after that. Just finished up with my abs and exercises then headed home. My eye's are on fire I'm so exhausted...and starving.

3/10/15

Slept good last night, I think, not that I feel any better. Got up at 7:30, had my 2 hard boiled egg whites and a piece of turkey bacon, coffee and watched some fights then headed to the gym. Felt like a zombie as usual. Stretched out then hit pads with RJ. I felt useless and was on the verge of passing out the entire time. So exhausted, my brains were scrambled almost felt like I was going to start hallucinating. My body is so shot. We finished up and I had to go right into pads with Dam. I felt awful. Told Dam, “just light, relax, relax”, he said OK but then proceeded to crush me for 8 rounds. Funny thing is that I actually started feeling good. MJ asked if I was still going to do conditioning, as did Kirian. “Of course!”, not like I'd feel any better if I just rested so F it. He originally wanted to put me thought the Ghost workout but my hips were so jacked I know I wouldn't be able to push it like I'd want. He asked if I could do the Norm plyo/bag workout. “Sure”, I said. He told me that we would just do 3 rounds of it and that he would shorten the minute intervals to 45 seconds. Didn't matter to me. “Let's go!” Pushed it hard and was actually able to do a lot more than I thought I'd be able to. I was a mess though. I'd basically just done 2 hours straight of high intensity work. I was surprised that I even had any sweat left. I just wanted to pass out. Had a protein shake and banana as I drove home. I was so out of it, thought I might wreck or run a red light on accident. Got home, showered and did my best to pass out. I was just too wrecked. It takes so long for my body and brain to unwind after such an intense work out that I just don't have time to fall asleep. At 1:30 I said F it and just got up. So aggravated but nothing new. I could barely see straight and my legs, particularly my hamstrings and hips, were killing me. Made a protein pancake sandwich with 2 slices of turkey, ground turkey, piece of turkey bacon, avocado and 2 eggs. It was so good! Wish I could have had about 5 more of them. Made coffee too but I been so sick of it lately. Probably because I have to make it so boring, black. I didn't have to pick Dam up today but I left at 3 anyway so that I'd have a good amount of time to stretch and warm up. Got there at 3:15 and stretched for about an hour. My body was a mess. Had an energy drink in hopes that it would wake me up, it was an emergency. Thankfully it did, slightly. Eddie said he wouldn't be getting there until about 4:30 so I told him I'd meet him out front. I had to drop a deuce but the bathroom was full so I went into the Crossfit side. Fortunately I had brought my phone with me because after I finished I realized there was no toilet paper. Damnit! Had to text Eddie to bring me some ha. After that we hit the road. It was a little chilly out so had to wear a sweatshirt yet yesterday it was so warm that I didn't even wear a shirt. I was so emotional today between training sessions, on the verge of balling. Even when I was at the gym stretching. It kept hitting me like waves. Happens a lot before fights. Usually lets me know that I'm ready. I was a mess before the Tomahawk fight. As soon as we started the run I knew it’d be a rough one. The first step and my hamstrings felt as if they'd pop. I was struggling most of the 5 miles and we were running at a pretty slow pace. I prayed that we'd hit every red light that way I could rest. When we got back I was dragging my feet and could barely lift my legs. It was already 5:30 but Kirian still had a few rounds left with Alexis. I wrapped my other hand up after I rubbed my legs down with Thai oil with my one unwrapped hand. I had split my shin open earlier, just a scab that had opened up really. Had kicked the bag and was bleeding everywhere. Put a band aid over it, taped over that and then a ankle support over that to hold it all together. Finally got in the ring, I was a zombie. Kirian says, “This is your 3rd pad session of the day, no need to go hard, I just want that rhythm.” Not as if I had a choice, I could barely move. I did my best but every strike took everything that I had. I couldn’t even think straight, just did my best to stay sharp. Did about 4 rounds less than we normally do, thank goodness. Moved around with Eddie and Diego after that, just some no pads, technique. I stayed in the entire time and did 3 rounds with each. I was so done after that. Called it a day before I hurt myself. Did my abs and some push ups on the grappling mats then went in the power room to finish up with my neck. I'm sure that I looked like I was dying, and felt even worse. Packed up my stuff then sat in my car for a minute trying to gather myself. What a day! Supposed to hit sprints in the morning and then pads with Dam after but considering how wrecked I am it's probably not a good idea. I sent Kirian a message and he told me to just see how I felt in the morning. Of course I always want to push myself no matter what but I do still try and be smart about it. My conditioning is beyond on point, just need to stay healthy. Had a hard time driving home from the gym. Drank my protein shake, let the pups out and then gave both of them baths then showered myself. I just wanted to sit in there forever. Got out and ate these bomb chicken wings Jackie had given me. About an hour later I took an Epsom salt bath hoping it would help some. I'm too out of it to tell. Woosah! Going to weigh myself tomorrow. I feel even leaner yet still big, who knows, who cares. Don't matter, although I would be happy if it's around 155, even lower would be wonderful.

3/11/15

Man, what a rough one! Literally didn't fall asleep until around 7am, wtf? Never been so annoyed and pissed off in my entire life. I was so looking forward to getting a good long nights rest, particularly since I wasn't going to train in the morning unless I felt up to it. I couldn't even keep my eyes open anymore around 11pm and finally lay down. For whatever reason I just couldn't sleep. Every time that I was just about to something would keep me from it. Mostly the pups snoring. They weren't even that loud and I had my ear plugs in but it was as if they were inside of my head. I was so frustrated, around 3am I just couldn’t take it anymore and put them in their kennels. I felt bad but I needed rest. Not that it helped, I could still hear them. First I only put Layla in there, because she's the loud one, but eventually had to put Gatti in as well. I wanted to slam my head through the wall. The last time that I looked at the clock it was 7am. How is this even possible? Eventually I fell asleep only to wake up at 11:30. I was a mess. Hit Kirian up and let him know. He told me to just sleep, or rest as best I could and then come in that night. I was able to pass back out for another 2 hours or so. I woke up at 1:30, tried sleeping more but no luck. F it! Got up, had some Out Of The Cave, meat balls with cucumber noodles, so amazing! One good thing was that I woke up weighing 153.9. No wonder my shorts didn't fit anymore. I was just hoping to be around 155 so that definitely mad me feel a lot better. Made some coffee and headed to the gym. I wasn't going to run today, I needed to recover as much as possible. Still went in at my usual time so that I could get a good stretch in and loosen up. I was beyond out of it. Felt like I'd pass out or start hallucinating at any moment. So exhausted that I felt nauseous. I got as warmed up as I could and tried hitting the bag a bit. Not only was I out of it from not sleeping but my body was completely shot. Everything felt as if it was filled with lead. I had nothing but I knew that it would be food for me to move around. I just wanted to leave though. Started with RJ at 5:15 after he finished up with the Cheeseburgler. I was a mess, could barely even see. Tried to get going but it was useless. I was just hoping that it would wake me up enough to not suck ass hitting with Dam. We only did about 6 rounds. Dam was already in the ring, he could see what bad shape I was in. He told me to just relax and that we would go light. I still didn't trust him ha. I did actually start feeling OK once him and I got moving around. Just technique but it was good work. Probably did about 6-8 rounds. Clinched with Diego after, just some more technique. Dam was there helping coach us. Finished up, stretched and rolled out everything. I didn't even bother with any exercises. Hopefully I'll sleep great tonight Inside MMA is coming to film me tomorrow. Got some Aleve PM at the store just in case but I can barely keep my eyes open as I sit and write this. Had some chicken and noodles from Out Of The Cave after I got home. I'm stuffed but wanted to eat the other meatballs and noodles one because I know that my body could use it.

3/13/15

Well yesterday was brutal once again. Slept great Wednesday night although I did stress out a bit when I didn't pass out right away. Woke up feeling decent, still tired and body was shot but at least my brain seemed to be functioning OK Got to the gym at 9 and stretched out. Went with RJ at 10 and again felt pretty dead. Sharp but flat. Went with Dam at 10:30 and once again it woke me up. He was killing me but I felt good. Powerful, fast, sharp and my conditioning was on point. Inside MMA had been there filming me since 10, which is always weird to me on top of the fact that they had to have the music off as I was training. I was drenched after we finished up. Exhausted but was ready to do whatever Kirian was going to put me through. He ended up putting me through the air dyne/bag work tabatas. “Only 5 rounds today!” Oh is that all, hahaha. I yelled at MJ because at first he wasn't going to join me because he “didn't want to be in the way”, but I convinced him. “They can shoot around you man, don't leave me hanging!” I wasn't even tired, well cardio wise. My hips and arms were shot so it was almost impossible to push myself. Once again I couldn't believe that I still had any sweat left. Probably dropped almost 10 pounds over the last 2 hours. Finished up and they needed to get a few shots of me in the ring so I didn't get out of there until 12:30. Got home,showered,had a protein pancake sandwich and tried to rest. No luck as usual. I had to be back at the gym at 3 to do the Inside MMA interview then they needed to get some shots of me running. I lay down for about 30-40 minutes then said screw it when I couldn't fall asleep and got up. Made some coffee, eggs, fed the pups and headed back. It was such a gorgeous day, in the 70's, I decided to drive my Lincoln. I was exhausted but nothing new. The coffee wasn't helping so when I got to the gym I grabbed an energy drink. The guys were already there setting up in the bag area for the interview. “Whenever you're ready”, they say. It was no rush yet I knew that we needed to get it done before people started showing up and making noise. It went quickly and smoothly, nothing new, usual questions. They got a few shots of me in the grappling room without my shirt on. I stretched out as they interviewed Kirian. I started realizing just how out of it and shitty I was feeling. What can ya do? Sarah and Daniella came in, “I think you have a cracked radiator, there's coolant everywhere. Do you have triple A?” Son of a! Went outside and sure enough there was a huge pool of green liquid underneath my car. Damnit. I gave Rick a text to see if he had time to stop by and take a look. He said he would stop by. MJ saw me stretching, “I'm giving you the night off. Go home!” I laughed, “I'm already here man. I gotta do it.” He argued with me even though I knew that he was right. I needed a break. They needed to get some footage of me running so I got my shoes on. Eddie showed up, “I gotta drop a deuce man.” Told him to take his time as this would take a bit. What a pain in the ass that was. I should have remembered from all the stuff I had to do for the MPL how long TV stuff takes, no matter what they tell you. “Ya it'll just be like 12-20 minutes. We just need a few shots of you running and that's it.” Yea right! Take after take, angle after angle. Took closer to an hour. Finally around 5 we finished and I was exhausted. Well I guess I can still get in 3 miles, had planned on doing 5. Not that I really cared as I was completely wrecked. They thanked me for taking my time away from training to do it . One of the guys told me what an inspiration I was, which really made my day. I ran back to the gym quickly so I could go to the bathroom quick then grab Eddie. Kirian had asked if it was OK if I just went with Dam. “Don't matter to me”, although I knew Dam would kill me but happy to go with him. Eddie and I hit the road. I was struggling, barely even picking my feet off the ground. Slowest 2 miles ever. “It's not acting like a bitch if you need the rest brotha”, Eddie says to me. “I know, I know”, I reply. “Be smart man, you're on point, just gotta stay healthy.” I knew that he was right. We turned around at the end of the creek, one mile, and just walked a bit. Originally I had planned on doing 3 but every step was a struggle and I had lost my motivation. I could barely move by the time we got back to the gym and we had barely even ran. “Alright man, you're right,I'm done!”, I say. “Good, go home”, he replies. I told Kirian, Dam and just stretched out a bit as I waited on Rick. Once he got there he took a look at my car as I was finishing up. He told me that it hadn't lost that much fluid and would probably be OK to make it back to the house. He put some more water in it and said that he would follow me home whenever I was ready. “Take your time, finish stretching”, he told me. I was so out of it. Couldn't find my shoes and thought I was either losing my mind or someone was messing with me. Finally found out that Dam had used them to go into the bathroom. “Ya, I'm done”, I repeat. I felt so weird, like I was in a dream. I need help. Grabbed my protein shake, a perfect food bar and headed home. I kept thinking that I was going to run a red light or drift into another car as I was so out of it. I did run 1, sort of. Finally made it home. Rick told me that he would take a look at it once it cooled off. I thanked him, showered, ate and just lay in bed. I was a mess! Had some fruit cereal later on. My body was so fried out, brain too. Ugh! Slept like 10 hours last night. Felt a little better today but not much. Had to go get my medicals done in San Jose today. It took forever, like 5 hours all together. I just had 2 hard boiled egg whites for breakfast at 11 and coffee. Made a protein pancake sandwich to take with me. My physical appointment was at 2:15 although it was 3 by the time I actually saw the doctor. Of course I took a piss right before I went in there not knowing they had to get a urine sample, which they've never done before. Drank 3 cups of water and still couldn't go but fortunately he said they could do it for me where I was getting my blood drawn but they would charge me. Which was fine since the promotion pays for all this. I had a hard time with my vision test, partly because I was so tired on top of the fact the fluorescent lights bother me. Still 20/20 fortunately, everything was good. Headed to the blood bank, was only about 15 minutes away. I only had to wait for 10 minutes there, they got me right in. Did the blood and urine tests and then got on the road back to the gym. Traffic was a bitch, took well over an hour. Ate my sandwich on the way. It was so good! Got to the gym at 5:30 and was exhausted. I stretched out for a bit, Kirian asked if I wanted to work with Dam at 6 or 6:30. “6:30, I still gotta stretch and warm up.” He could see how much I was struggling. “Your cardio is on point, you killed it all week, weights great. Do some with Dam then go home. Tomorrow run, hit with him again and do some technique with Chaz. No need to go crazy. We can get some shark tank rounds in next week if you really want to.” I agreed and knew he was right. Got warmed up as best I could. My hips are still a mess. I knew this would be rough but also knew that it would be good to get my body moving around. I'd probably feel a lot better afterwords. Willy and Zach were there. I told them maybe we could clinch after, see how I'm feeling. They'd be there tomorrow as well so no big deal. I actually felt OK going with Dam. I mean I was totally shot but still sharp and on point compared to how awful I was feeling. Did about 8 rounds, nothing too crazy. Called it a night after that. Didn’t even do my exercises, just stretched. I need some serious rest and recovery. Grabbed my protein shake, a perfect food bar and headed home after I stopped by Sprouts and the gas station. I'm not even going to worry about my weight until later next week. I was about 152 on Wednesday so I'm right there. It's more important for me to stay healthy and have the energy to push hard this last week. As long as I eat clean I'll be fine. I should really hit an ice bath this weekend. Ugh! It's just such a pain in the ass getting all that ice. Matt Lucas is going to pick Chaz up for me tomorrow from the airport since he will be coming from Oakland anyway. Hopefully I will feel better tomorrow and we can get some good work in. 2 more weeks!

3/14/15

Today went great. Still exhausted and shot but getting better. Couldn't sleep much last night. Figures! I was so exhausted. Regardless I felt rested in the morning, relatively. Had my usual 2 hard boiled egg whites, slice of turkey bacon and coffee. Headed to the gym at 9:30. Fortunately I got there before the St. Patrick's Day festivals got going so I didn't run into any traffic. Got a good long stretch and warm up in and waited for Zach, Eddie and Willy, who were all going running with me. They all got to the gym around 11 and we hit the road. The festival was in full swing so we made our way around everyone and down the creek path. My legs were pretty shot but they have been way worse. We ran at a decent pace, Thai style. Went down to the golf course and back, 5 miles. I felt good. Chaz was there when we got back. Matt was in the ring getting some rounds in with Dam. I tried stretching my hips out a bit more as I wrapped my hands. Dale Shirley was there getting some pics. Brent and a couple other people had come down with Will and Zach from Reno. I got in the ring with Dam. Tried to start out slow and take my time easing into it but as usual I always feel like crap when I try that. We got some good rounds in. I felt on point, my hips were just shot so it was difficult to get any power into my kicks. We did about 45 minutes. I was dead but my cardio and recovery were on point. Kirian comes up to the ring, “This is the last round.” OK, how would you like me to tell him that? Ha. We finished then Chaz asked what I wanted to do. “Just some no pads, technique first.” Kirian mainly wanted me working technique anyway. We did about 20 minutes, pretty much straight through. My kicks felt great, which was mainly all we were doing as we didn't even have any gloves on. Dam was there coaching us. After that we got our shin pads and gloves on and did another 6 rounds. I was just trying to make sure my base and foundation were solid, on top of the fact that my body was so shot it was hard for me to even move. Kicks felt great, even when landing with my ankle they felt strong, heavy. My vision was on point as well. We finished up and then clinched for about 20 minutes. My balance felt great and I was dumping Chaz left and right. We finished up and got pictures with everyone. I stretched out and then showered. Willy, Dam, Matt and the rest of them all went to eat. Chaz's flight got delayed about 4 hours so I told Matt that I would just take him, as originally he was going to bring him back. Chaz got on the phone with Southwest and tried getting on a different flight. I had my protein shake and banana as I sat and tried to get my head back on straight. Finally I say, “Let's go eat at Eric's Deli.” He was still on the phone as we started driving. We had to take the long way around as the parade was blocking most of the streets. It was about 85 degrees out, beautiful! Got there and just ordered a chicken salad, which was actually pretty good. They ended up getting Chaz on another flight which was much earlier. I hit Matt up and he said they were just down the street at Bangkok 101 and would stop by to grab him. We finished eating and the exhaustion really set in. I was so shot, just wanted to lay down. Thanked Chaz for coming out and Matt for dropping him off for me and headed home, the long way again. Rick was outside and told me that my car just had a cracked hose which is super easy and cheap to fix, thank goodness! Got in bed and lay down, I was so out of it and exhausted. Kirian invited me over to watch the UFC, had to leave in an hour. I was going to try and take a nap but realized that if I was to fall asleep I'd never get up. I'm so tired! I really need to recover this weekend so that I can hit it hard my last week, just do it a little smarter this time.

3/16/15

I was so useless today. Slept until about noon yesterday. Woke up feeling like a zombie that had been run over by a truck 100 times. Got up and had an omelet and stuff from Black Bear Dinner and lay back down. I got up and took the pups to the park. I had wanted to take the pups to the beach but there was no way I had the energy to. Next weekend for sure, I want Gatti to see the ocean, he never has. When we were there I was petting Gatti and noticed 4 giant lumps in his throat. I think Gina had mentioned it to me when she was out here visiting but I guess it just hadn't registered or I didn't think anything of it. There are so big. Maybe that's why he has been so weird with eating lately. I started breaking down and crying, I knew that it was nothing good. I mean they are both like 80 years old in human years. I'm going to take him to the vet to have them looked at. It was such a beautiful, amazing day out. I just lay there with them in the grass for like an hour and tried not thinking about his lumps. Got back home around 5 and took an Epsom salt bath then showered. Had a big ass chicken salad after that then lay in bed watching fights. Later on I got up and made some amazing fruit cereal. My last 'cheat' meal. I was hoping to feel a bit more rested today but I actually feel worse. I just slept in this morning. Got up at 10, worked on my taxes and then headed to the gym around 3. I felt awful, exhausted and my body was shot. Feels as if it's already fight week and I'm cutting weight. Eddie, Diego and I hit a 5 mile run at 4:30. Felt slightly better after but still useless. Did 8 rounds with Dam after that. We went pretty light yet I still felt horrible. He kept asking me if I was sick. Did some technique sparring with Diego and Bryan while Eddie hit with Dam. Felt a better, my hips are just a mess. Bryan left and Eddie joined us. After we finished up I did some neck exercises and abs in the power room then stretched in the grappling room. Kirian said it was a good start to the week and that we'd slowly ramp it up. I know that I'm in amazing shape. Technique, power and speed are all on point. I just hate feeling so weak and useless. Deanne's going to work on me tomorrow night. Hopefully that will help. Got my protein shake, banana and headed home. Showered and then ate a chicken salad that I had made. It was pretty great as far as salads go. I'm going to hit with RJ in the morning. No Dam or if so just some light technique, then conditioning after. Hopefully I will get a good nights rest tonight and feel better tomorrow. I was going to weigh myself when I wake up but if my weight is up and I feel this bad I'm going to be pissed. So I'll just wait. Woosah!

3/17/15

Sons a bitches! I freaking hate feelings like this, just useless. I know I'm just burnt out but still. I'm a mess! Slept like crap last night, well actually passed out right away, round 10:30, which would have been great but then I woke up at midnight. WTF? Took me about an hour to fall back asleep, was so annoyed. Then I woke up again at 3. Son of a! Again, was hard to fall back asleep. I just don't get it. You'd think my body would just shut down and I'd sleep for days but noooooooooooooo. Almost said F it and got up but eventually passed out again. Woke up to my alarm at 7:30 feeling as bad if not worse than I had when I feel asleep last night. I knew that it'd be a rough day. Had my 2 hard boiled egg whites, 1 piece of turkey bacon, ¼ an avocado and some green tea. Mmmmm I'm stuffed. Watched some fights, fed the pups, got my stuff together and headed to the gym around 8:30. Got a good hour stretch in, felt so exhausted. Damnit! My body just feels like sludge. Shadow boxed a bit then got in the ring with RJ. Just useless. We kept it pretty technical but almost felt pointless. Did about 8 rounds. Dam was there and even though Kirian had told me to skip going with him I still wanted to at least get some technique in. Not as if I'd feel any better if I didn't so F it. Got some good work in with him. He told me just technique as well. Did a bunch of rounds but kept it light. Stupid hips are still a mess. Cub Swanson was there with Zoila, she hit after me. Kirian was talking to Cub so I just grabbed all the stuff for the bag work plyo's, assuming that's what we were going to do. MJ said he had some time so I got stuff for him as well. We finally got started around 11:15. Kirian said that Cub was going to join but would just watch the first round so he could see what we're doing. I hit it hard but my body was just so wrecked . I'm in such good shape but so fried out that I couldn't even go hard enough to work my cardio. More than anything I am just over it and annoyed. Been pushing it hard for so long for this fight. I'm so fried. Cub did 3 rounds and then got some work in with Dam as I finished up. MJ only did 1. Finished up and it was already 12:15. I hurried and grabbed my stuff, I was soaked, and headed home. I was so out of it I almost ran 2 red lights. They were very yellow!!! I chucked my banana peel out of my sun roof. This guy pulls up next to me staring and honks. I roll my window down, “You hit my car with a banana peel!” I felt so bad, “I'm so sorry brotha!” He gives me a nod to say no worries and drives off. I seriously need a baby sitter. Got home and showered, it was already 1, sheesh! I'd hafta get up in an hour if I wanted to eat in time before I had to go right back to the gym. I needed rest but I knew as usual that it was probably pointless. Tried anyway. At 1:30 I still hadn't slept, “F it!”, and got up. Cleaned the back yard, made some coffee and had some Out Of The Cave. Tomas had hooked me up with a bunch of meals with no sodium, just lean meats and veggies. Chicken, sweet potatoes and broccoli, so good! Headed back to the gym at 3:30 after I watched some more fights and fed the pups. Gatti still isn't eating :( I was so out of it and exhausted when I got to the gym. The coffee had done nothing. Grabbed me on energy drink, this was an emergency! Didn't help very much but anything is better than nothing. Stretched for an hour then Eddie and I hit the road at 4:30. It was such a beautiful day out. As soon as we got on the trail I had to piss and had just gone before we left. Dang it! Eddie told me to just go by a tree but I said that I'd hold it. After a mile I knew that I wouldn't make it so I went behind some bushes. Fortunately there weren't too many people out running. We got to the end of the trail and headed back. Felt OK Thai oiled up when we got back to the gym. Kirian asked what I wanted to do. 'We're hitting right?”, I asked. His shoulder had been bothering him lately. “Yea.” Ge gad Eddie, Diego, Cub and Zoila do some padded, technique sparring while we worked. We got started. Damnit, I'm just so useless, can't even push. Feel awful which makes me so unmotivated. I just want to quit every second and said F it. Like what's the point. My freaking elbow was starting to go this morning during conditioning but after my first jab it was completely done. Hooks didn't bother it but it had been killing me the entire time on pads. Feels as if there's a bunch of rocks inside it. I'm a mess. Wasn't even tired or winded, just wrecked. So annoying! Did some technique sparring with Diego and Eddie after. I had no shin pads on and was wearing my 8oz gloves. Just did 2 rounds with each and then we all clinched, which Cub got in on. Zoila was there but I knew I'd probably hurt her so didn't bother. We did about 45 minutes in all. I felt good, exhausted but strong and sharp. Finished up then knocked out some abs and called it a night. It was around 8. Originally I was supposed to see Deanne, which I desperately needed, but she had to cancel. She'd been sick and had thought she was better but didn't want to risk it. I realized how long it had been since I'd been worked on. No wonder I felt awful. I was so exhausted, just wanted to lay in bed anyway. Hit Kirian up when I got home to see if he could get me in with someone tomorrow to get worked on. I was supped to hit sprints in the morning and then go with Dam but I'm going to skip it. I need to be smarter. It's doing nothing to continually wreck myself like this. Think I'm going to stop the conditioning circuits and just stick to sprints and pad work Supposed to go donate tomorrow as well but I need rest. Help!!!

3/18/15

Slept like shit once again. Dang it! Not sure if it's cause I gotta constantly go to the bathroom from all the water I drink or I just happen to be awake so I just go. Fell asleep pretty much right away but like clockwork I was up every hour on the hour. So annoyed! Slept in till about 11:30, feeling as if I was run over. I was going to try and sleep more but I was starving. I ate 2 'out of the cave' dinners last night and had a giant bowl of fruit cereal right before bed. I had originally planned on weighing myself today but after all that I didn't want to, especially since most of it was still in my belly. Decided to anyways but mentally I was prepared to be close to 155 knowing that I probably had about 2 pounds of food still in me. To my surprise I was still 152.4. That's a relief! Had 3 hard boiled egg whites, ¼ an avocado and some coffee. Not sure what I'm going to do tonight Supposed to hit with Dam, run and then train with the guys. See how I'm feeling. I know that it's all about being smart at this point. Kirian got me in with Trevor, a chiropractor, at 2:45 up in Alamo, bout 20 minutes away. He worked on my shoulders, elbow and hips. It was so damn painful that I couldn't stop laughing and was pouring sweat but I felt so much better after. He was great, gona go in again tomorrow at the same time. Got out of there at 3:30 and headed to the gym. Took about 20 minutes. Getting that work done on me actually woke me up and I was feeling good. As soon as I started stretching, however, I went downhill fast and was exhausted. Eddie got there a little before 4 and we hit the road at 4:30. Kirian told me just to hit the run and work with the team, no pads today. Felt decent running, my hips were a lot looser than they had been. It was a beautiful day out. Got back and Thai oiled up. My body was pretty exhausted, could barely left shoulder that Trevor had dug into. Just did some light technical sparring with Eddie, Diego, Zoila and Cub. My freaking right shin splints and the outside of my calf, where I must have caught an elbow the other day, were on fire from the run. I didn't even bother trying to use it. Finished up around 6:30. Did my abs and neck but skipped push ups because of my elbow. I gotta hit it hard tomorrow. Hoping to get a good nights sleep and feel better. Just grateful that my vision is on point, really seeing everything coming as if everything is in slow motion, as is my accuracy.

3/19/15

Felt a lot better today, well tonight. Slept good last night but as usual I was up every 2 hours. 3Am, 5, 7 and finally getting up at 7:30. Had my 3 hard boiled egg whites, dropped one of the eggs in the garbage disposal and for half a second I thought it was gone forever, which would have been horrible as I had no more made. Fortunately I was able to reach in the drain and get it. ¼ an avocado,1 piece of turkey bacon and green tea mmmmmmm. Felt OK, tired as usual, no better or worse than yesterday. Got to the gym at 9. I always try and give myself an hour to stretch and warm up, although it still never seems like enough. My shoulders were still feeling wrecked, although a lot looser. Got 8 rounds in with RJ, mostly just technique Kirian got there at 10:30 but said that we would start conditioning closer to 11 since Cub was there with a film crew so I just knocked out my abs. We were going to do 'Ghost' anyway so I should still be able to get out of there by 11:30ish. I had no motivation and my body was just fried. Did my best to get focused and in the zone. Gotta do it, probably my last conditioning circuit before this fight. It always sucks but I've been killing it at such a high level for so long now that I am completely fried out. Physically, mentally and spiritually. It'd be like a marathoner doing a 50 mile run and when the are a mile from the finish line they are supposed to sprint but can barely move. Yet I've been sprinting this entire time. I realized that I have been pushing myself for way longer than I thought I had been with hardly any breaks. Only took a day off after the Mauceri fight, a week after Thompson and only a few days off after Japan and been in crazy full on training mode ever since. That's like 15 weeks straight (since Japan). Holy hell, no wonder I feel awful. Finally we got started on the conditioning and immediately I could tell how bad this was going to suck. Again it was more because my body was so fried, not because my conditioning sucked. 20-30 seconds into the first minute on the rower my body was completely done. Wasn't gassed, just on fire and fried. Everything was wrecked. Beyond annoyed, frustrated. Hips, shoulders, shin splints and of course, I need all of those things functioning for this work out. Half way through the burpees in round 3 my elbow started to go so I just did one are ones, as if regular burpees ain't crappy enough. I let Kirian know after the round was over and he told me just to do them without the push up. My body still dropped down all the way on the first few, out of habit. Finally started getting in a rhythm after that. 6 rounds and done, my heart rate was back down to nearly sleeping within seconds Even though it's annoying that I can't push as I'd like to I know that I'm in amazing shape. Put the rower back, Cub hooked me up with one of his hats, thanked him and said I'd see him later. Headed home, exhausted as usual but not as out of it as I had been the last 2 days. I wasn't worried about running anyone over this time ha. Got home and showered. Had about an hour and a half before I had to get up so I iced my shins splints. My knee and elbow. I just like an ice bed to sleep in ha. I returned a few emails/messages then tried sleeping, pointless I know. Got up after half an hour of resting, made some coffee and heated up my chicken and broccoli from Out of The Cave. Watched some fights as I ate and iced everything once again. Left at 2 so that I could stop by the post office to get some stamps and envelopes so that I can mail off a bunch of these fight tickets to people that have bought them. Headed to see Trevor after that. “We gotta talk about your x rays man!”, he says. Aw crap, that don't sound good. He had a few clients in front of me. MJ's mother was one of them., his brother had brought her and we chatter for a minute. I was so out of it and tired. After about 10 minutes he brought me into the back in his office where he had my x ray up on the wall with a bunch of things circled on it. “Tell me what you see”, he says. 'Well my hips are outa wack”, I say. “Yea man, you're right one is sitting about 7 degrees off....that's not good” he replies. He goes on to tell me, and show, that 70% of one of my disks in my back is compressed. The one below that basically had a small hole blown through it from getting compressed at some point. It looked like a bullet hole and the rest of my spine above it was sitting off to the right. Damn! Well that explains a lot. He asked if I had a lot of back pain or issues. I laughed, “How the hell should I know, everything always hurts! What does good even feel like? If I can get out of bed in the morning to me that's feeling good.” He went on to inform me that without treatment I'd more than likely be finished in 6 months to a year and that the compressed disk could potentially crush my spinal chord and kill me. “Bummer ha”, I say. “Not to worry though”, he continues, “I can fix you! It's going to take me about 6 months of you coming in here every day but once I do you'll be good.” I scheduled to see him on Monday and he finished up doing some work. He did the hip thing again, which was just as brutal, then adjusted me. He made me promise to do my 'homework', I thanked him and headed to the gym. My body was feeling much better but I was just exhausted. Got there around 3:45 and started to stretch out but the guys filming Cub's “road to the octagon” asked if they could get a quick interview with me. 'We just want to ask what it's been like working with Cub, how's his stand up, etc”, they say.” “Well he's only been up here for 2-3 days but yea, whatever you guys need”, I reply. They interviewed me on the grappling mats. I just sat down on the floor, nice and casual. It was already 4:30 by the time we finished up. Eddie was there stretching. “Let's hit it man”, I say. Another beautiful day, shirt off and hit the creek 5 mile run. I felt decent, just over this stuff. Got back and lubed up with Thai oil. Everyone was in the ring, they were going to just do some technique sparring for the filming. Kirian told me I could hit pads with Dam but with all the lights it might be better to go down on the mats, which was fine by me. I felt pretty good. Sharp and fast. My hip was feeling a bit tweaked and I think the fact that I now knew what was wrong with my back made me dwell on it more when it would bother me. Kirian was telling me how sharp I was looking. My conditioning definitely felt on point, as if I could go on forever. He stopped us after about 6 rounds. Even though I was feeling great I knew that I needed to just be smart at this point. Thanks Dam then got in the ring to work with Cub. I didn't put any pads on and just kept my 8oz gloves on. The crew wanted to just get Cub and I so they kicked everyone else out and has us do a few rounds. I called it a day after that. Headed home, showered, had some 'out of the cave' for dinner and tried to crash out. Had the same sleep pattern once again, up every 2 hours like clockwork. So annoying! I was 152.4 still when I got up. Had to take Gatti and Layla to the vet at 8, they both needed their vaccines and I was getting the lumps in Gatti's neck looked at. It didn't look good, he told me that we should get them checked out by a cancer specialist. Said he would give them a call and see if they could get me in today at noon. We scheduled the appointment, they got their shots and we headed home. I was so exhausted and now my heart was breaking. I tried keeping my hopes up but I just couldn't shake this awful feeling. Lay down with them both and rested till it was time to take him. I left Layla at home, I was a wreck. Took him over to Sage medical center, down the street from the gym. Met with the doctor, they did some tests and all of my fears were confirmed, cancer, lymphoma. She broke down to me the treatment options but said until they get some more of the test results back they won't know anything for sure. Let me know that the life expectancy, if we were to hit him with the hardest chemo and he responds to it well, would be a year to a year and a half, not to mention that it's between 1-3 grand a month. If we do nothing it could be a day to day thing. I was just on auto pilot absorbing the information. She said I could take time and think it over but they would get him started on some medications today regardless. I set another appointment to bring him back after I had a chance to talk things over with Gina and would probably drop him back off in the morning. As soon as we left everything hit me at once and I immediately broke down. I was a mess and couldn't even drive. Eventually I managed and headed home. I tried pulling myself together as I gave Gina a call but as soon as she said hello I lost it once again. I couldn't even control my emotions and she knew immediately what was wrong and started crying as well. She did her best to console me but she was a wreck too. She said not to worry about the cost, we just need to figure out it that's the route we want to go, we just needed to figure out what would be the best option for him. I had to go train, how the hell am I going to do this? I could barely even tell her goodbye as we got off the phone. I had texted Kirian earlier letting him know that I would probably be useless tonight but that I'd be in, I let him know what was going on. Eventually made it to the gym, I was in a fog. The original plan was to hit sprints then pads. Stretched out, Jackie came over and gave me a hug, as I had let her know what was going on, which caused me to lose it once again. Eventually I got up, got my shoes on and just sat on the bench trying to get myself together enough to hit these sprints. Finally I walk over to the treadmill telling myself, “It's about how you perform on the bad days, not just the good.” It didn't help, I just couldn't bring myself to do anything. Not only was I already spent physically but now mentally and emotionally I was ruined. Went back to the bench and did everything I could to try and pull myself together and get focused. It was useless, “There's just no way”, I think to myself. I told RJ no worries on the pads today. Put everything away and looked for Kirian but couldn't find him so I grabbed my things and left. I sent him a text to let him know. He replied, “OK, get some rest, I'll check in on you later.” I was in such a daze trying to drive home. I just wanted something to make me feel better. Fortunately I haven't been craving any bad food or else I'm sure that's the first thing I would have tried to numb the pain. Probably would have stopped and got a large pizza, ice cream and a side of donuts. Got home and showered. Cut up a banana, 4 strawberries, goji berries, poured some over my protein shake over it and ate 2 perfect food bars as well. So good and still felt as if I was cheating. Tried to just pass out and hoped to sleep forever. Got a good half hour or so and then just lay there. The Inside MMA piece that they had done on me was airing at 8:30 tonight. Wrote in my journal for a bit and some more while I was in the living room watching the piece. The fights beforehand were running long so had some time to kill. Teresa had hit me up earlier to see if she could swing by when she got off of work and see the pups. She actually got there right when the show was about to air Told Rick to go ahead and watch without me as I didn't know how long we would be. It was recording anyway. “No worries, I'll wait”, he replied. We hung out in my room. She was on the floor with them, I was on my bed just laying there in a daze. She was a wreck. I thought I had been all emotionally drained and had nothing left, I was wrong! It came back with a vengeance and I couldn't stop crying. We hung out in there for about 45 minutes, not saying a word. Said goodnight, gave here a hug and she left. Rick had already gone to bed, I was spent anyway. I'd watch it tomorrow. I wasn't even going to eat but I wanted to be able to hit it hard on Saturday, last hard day, so I needed all the help I could get. I wasn't going to weigh myself in the morning anyhow. Even if it's good it's not ever good enough so what's the point in annoying myself. Finally got on the phone with Gina again and we talked for about an hour. She was in San Diego celebrating her sister, Christi’s, 30th birthday. Went to bed around midnight but was so tired that I couldn't even sleep.

3/21/15

Had the same 'up every 2 hours' sleep pattern yet again last night but this time, every time I woke, I was in a super deep sleep so I actually felt rested this morning. Completely out of it and emotionally drained, but OK Had 2 hard boiled egg whites, ¼ an avocado and made some coffee. Had to drop Gatti off at 9 at Sage on my way to the gym. Took the Lincoln, he'd never ridden in it before. We were waiting there for almost an hour, finally they came and got him and said that I could come back by later . They would have some results to give me right away but would have to wait about a week for the rest. It was just over a grand but would be another 2 when I picked him up. Said goodbye to him and headed to the gym. Got there around 10, tried to stay focused, watched fights as I stretched. I had posted a pic of Gatti on Instagram, hash tag #fuckcancer, bad idea! Everyone and their mother was posting and texting me saying how sorry they were, which I definitely appreciated, but I started breaking down yet again. Damnit! I just wanted to say, “F training, F this fight” and leave. Put my shorts on, tried to get myself together and headed out with Eddie for a run. I was able to stop thinking about everything and actually felt OK We did the hill loop. I sprinted up it, cardio felt amazing, legs were fried. Got back and hit with Dam, again feeling great, although the emotions were creeping back in. After we finished Kirian told me how great I had looked and asked what I wanted to do today. “Definitely think shark tank is a bad idea, save it for next week if you really want to push but you don't need it.” I agreed, “Just spar man.” Got my gear on and jumped in the ring with Eddie and Diego. My emotions were hammering me hard and I was on the verge of tears in between every single round. I couldn't help but go hard either, felt bad. Gaston had just flown back from his trip to Indonesia and came straight to the gym as he was worried about me. He got there, got his gear on and jumped in the ring with us. He gave me a hug, told me, “I love you brotha” and I immediately started balling. I was able to once again pull it together during the rounds but in between every one I would break down. I felt sharp, in amazing shape, it was just hard for me to even care or push myself but I manage. After about 8 rounds Kirian told me to stop. Went and sat on the bench and couldn't even hold back the tears any longer. Kirian came over, sat on the steps and talked to me. I couldn't even speak. He did his best to console me and let me know how much he, and everyone else, loved me and was there for me whatever I needed. “If you're going to still take this fight, which I'm sure isn't even a question for you but I still need to ask and just know that it's OK if we pass.” I nodded my head, “Of course I'm still doing it.” “Then I need you to take all of that energy and emotion and really focus. Put it into this last week then this fight. I think if Gatti could speak he'd let you know that he wouldn't want to be the reason you missed this.” He said. I knew and agreed. He told me he loved me and let me be. Pulled myself together and went in the corner of the grappling room to get away from everyone. Stretched out and finished up with some exercises. Got my clothes on and cleaned up a bit. I had a ton of messages. One from the doc telling me Gatti was ready to be picked up. Cub was leaving tomorrow so I said goodbye and we both wished each other luck. We all took a group picture, he gave me one of his hats and then I left. Went and picked up Gatti. They gave me his medications and told me to schedule an appointment even if I needed to change it later. They would have all of the results in a few days and we could decide where we wanted to go from there. It was over 2,000$ and my stupid card would only clear a few hundred because it was a debit card. Tried calling the bank but they were closed as it was Saturday. Of course! Gina only had American Express, which they didn't take, fortunately Jackie let me use hers and she called it in. Told her I'd bring her cash later to pay her back. Headed home, so spent, exhausted and out of it. They had given me some pills for him. 1 was a steroid, the other was for his stomach if it got upset and another to help his appetite. I watched the Inside MMA piece, they did a really good job. Always amazed me how much work goes into such a short piece. Had some 'out of the cave' for lunch. My eyes burn, I just want to sleep....forever!

3/22/15

Fighting is so dumb sometimes. You go from hating something to dying for it, such extremes. Started my water load/cut yesterday. Distilled water, 2 gallons a day Saturday-Monday, 1 on Tuesday, 1.5 liters Wednesday then nothing 24 hours before weigh ins, just sips. You go from forcing these gallons down so much you hate water and then a few days later you would club a baby seal for a sip. Had a few shrimps with a butt load of veggies for dinner last night, was so good. I must be starving, ha. Had a hard time sleeping as I had to get up constantly to go to the bathroom. As if I already didn't have a hard enough time. Got up at 10 and weighed myself, 150.4 and still had at least everything in my stomach that I had eaten for dinner. Probably about a pound or 2 so I'm definitely on track. Made coffee and a few protein pancakes using 3 egg whites, a banana and a scoop of vanilla protein powder. Sliced up 4 strawberries and drizzled some organic honey on them. So amazing, starving or not. Taking Gatti and Layla to the beach later on today, they've never really been. These emotions have been coming and going like waves, it's brutal! On top of the fact I still need to figure out what kind of treatment I want to do, if anything. I just don't think I could put him through chemo. Even if it was to extend his life a bit it's more about quality of quantity, especially since he's so old already. I've been looking into cannabis oils and other natural treatments, there's been a lot of good results with them. Even if it doesn't help the cancer I know that it will help him feel better as well as improve his appetite. He still hasn't eaten today :( I just don't want him suffering. It's killing me just watching him struggle now. A big reason I seriously don't think I could handle watching him go through chemo. I just couldn't put him through that.

-Such a great day with my kids! Jackie came and picked us up at 3:30 and we headed out to Montara beach. I probably should have brought a snack because I was starving. I just had 2 hard boiled egg whites and a veggie shake before we left. I was exhausted and feeling crappy but definitely wanted the pups to experience the ocean so I was happy to go. Did my best to rest on our way out, took a little over an hour. It was slightly overcast and a tad chilly but I had my sweats. Parked on the side of the road and we headed down to the beach. The only way down, it seemed, was down this steep, muddy, unstable path. I thought I was going to eat it the entire time. Fortunately Gatti didn't pull me and cause us both to go tumbling down the hill. We all made it down safely. It was a beautiful, wide open beach without many people. Put a blanket and things down and then took a short walk over to the water. The pups were overwhelmed, having sensory overload. They didn't even know what to do. They got themselves soaked in the ocean, as well as some on me, as well as sand everywhere. There were a few other people along the beach with pups, all of which seemed to be pits. Gatti would freak out every time he saw one and I had to struggle to keep him by me. We went and sat on the blanket. Did my best to try and keep it, and us, clean but it was pointless. There was sand everywhere. We hung out there for an hours or two as the sun was going down. Such a beautiful day and it cleared up towards the end. The pups loved it so much. Jackie had brought some sliced tri tip for them to snack on. I was jealous ha. They devoured it, the smell was killing me. So hungry. I couldn't stop thinking about all the different, amazing things you could make with it. It was about 6:30 and the sun doesn't set till about 7:30. It was already starting to get cold out and I had to pee so badly, even though I hadn't drank any water. We headed back up, found a different way. Easier, just took longer. Funniest thing happened on the way. This giant pit bull freaked out, just like Gatti had been doing all day to every other dog, and Gatti acted like he didn't even see or hear him. I was cracking up, it was hilarious The pups were spent, as was I. Eventually got back home, thanked Jackie, let them out back and ate some asparagus. Yum! Dyed my hair black, washed the pups, showered, ate the rest of the shrimp and another boat load of veggies. Feeling better, so tired though. Would love to wake up around 145, positive thoughts. Talked to Hans (Molenkamp) about my sponsorship for a bit and maybe possibly getting some seminars set up. Think I'm pretty convinced to not do the chemo regardless.

3/23/15

Another brutal day down. Got like 2 hours of sleep last night. Holy hell, was so exhausted, just couldn't sleep. Even got up to watch a movie at one point but couldn't even keep my eyes open. Woke up at 7:30, weighed myself, 150.8, damnit! Guess I could have been worse but damn, I already feel like such shit and still got 10 pounds to go. I was hoping to be closer to 148. I was going to so screw training because of how awful I felt but sucked it up and got going. Had my 2 hard boiled egg whites, some veggies and coffee. Fed the pups, Gatti ate a little, and then I headed off to the gym. Got there in a fog and it was raining out. Stretched, so out of it, ate half a banana and hit my sprints. I could barely even see I was so exhausted, thought I might pass out just from my lack of sleep. I just did 5 x 3 minute rounds at 10-14mph as it's my last day. Even though I felt awful my cardio is through the roof, the sprints barely even bothered me. I just did about 15 minutes of pads with Dam after that as I had to get home. I didn't have anything left anyhow. “No sleep last night”, I say to Dam. “Oh, no good, no sleep, no power”, he says. “Ha, yea I know”, I reply. He told me to home and rest, which I would have loved to do I just knew it would be tough to do since I had so much to get done. Got home, showered and had a protein shake. Lay in bed for a but then Morgan stopped by to give me the cannabis oil for Gatti. I hope it helps, at least make him feel better. Gave him his first dose and he seemed fine, definitely relaxed him. I tried to rest some after that but only had 20-30 minutes before I needed to going. Got up and made some more coffee, handful of ground turkey and 2 egg whites. Left at 2:30 to go and see Trevor. I was so out of it when I got there. Not as bad as I was this morning but close. He adjusted me, my neck and back popped so loud. Told me to come in tomorrow at noon once more before I leave town. He also gave me some DMSO for Gatti's cancer. Told me how amazing it is and to apply it to his tumors as well as give him internally. It was 3:30 and I headed to the gym. Had another half of banana, ate it real slow and savored it. Got to the gym a little bit before 4. Holy hell I was a mess, so exhausted. No sleep and no food has really jacked me up. Stretched out as Eddie was doing his sprints. At 4:45 I hit the road and Eddie joined me. I could barely move. It was a little chilly so I wore my hoodie but as soon as the sun hit me I was burning up and took it off. Had to carry it the whole way. I was dying but just needed to go through the motions. Just did 3 miles. Got back and Kirian asked what was up for tonight. 'We can hit if you're up for it then A team drilling”, he says. Well I definitely wanted to hit but doubt I'd be up for much else but maybe the pad work would wake me up. Each minute that went by I was feeling worse and worse. By the time we actually got going on the pads I was useless, worst I've ever felt, ever! Everything was a struggle, just getting my leg off the ground for a kick felt like I was lifting a house. Every strike, if you could call them that, would almost make me pass out. Did about 6 rounds then Kirian told me to do some drilling. He untied my gloves, “I'm done, I got nothing left”, I say. He says ,”OK, you're good.” I didn't even bother stretching or any exercises, just got my stuff and headed out. It was tough for me just driving home. Kirian had walked me out when I left. He told me that no matter how I was feeling that I'm better than ever and ready. “I know, just this damn lack of sleep is killing me.” He teared up telling me how sorry he was for everything that I was dealing with. I thanked him and left. Got home, showered, had a bunch of asparagus and the rest of my protein shake. Mixed in some steak with Gatti's food hoping it would motivate him to eat more, which it did. I need some sleep damnit!

3/24/15

Wow, all last night, and this morning, I kept telling myself, “You're going to get on that scale and it will say 147.8.” Got up this morning and wouldn't you know, that's precisely what it said. Crazy! Actually got some sleep last night, I'm sure that helped with the weight. Felt great today. Well, yesterday was literally the worst I have ever felt so not like it had to be that much better for me to feel good. Had to get up at 8 to do a call in interview at 8:30 and then another one at 10:30. Had my 2 hard boiled egg whites and last few pieces I had left of asparagus. Tried sleeping in between the interviews a bit. Had a handful of ground turkey and some tea after the 2nd interview finished. Starving! Headed out to see Trevor and run errands. Had to stop by the bank and then Safeway to grab some Pedialyte and snacks and then Sally's for some bleach for my hair. Had half a banana on the way. So amazing! He ended up having an emergency and left right before I got there. I hit up Tomas from Out Of The Cave as he was going to hook me up with some meals to take with me to the fight. They were over by this business complex near my house so I stopped by. When I got there they were swarmed with people, as it was lunch time. Asked if I minded waiting. “Of course not, take your time”, I replied. Took about 30-40 minutes. Everyone eating there amazing food in front of me was killing me. I would get up every time someone sat next to me and sit somewhere else but it just kept happening. The smell was killing me, couldn't get away from it if I tried regardless. Finally he brings me my food and I almost passed out because it looked so amazing. Headed home and tried to sleep for an hour. Might have gotten about 10 minutes, better than nothing. Got up and watched the video that Jeff did on me, turned out so great. Going from 2 gallons of water yesterday to 1 today sucks. I was already ¼ gone and still gotta train. Got up, made two egg whites with ground turkey then headed to the gym. Got their at 3:30 and stretched. Was feeling good. Did a 4 mile run with Eddie, it was a beautiful day out and I felt pretty good. Got back and hit with Dam for about 8 rounds, feeling sharp. Stretched out afterwords then thanked everyone and said my goodbyes. Headed home and got a shower. Checked my weight, 147.8. Just had a protein shake and Teresa came over and did my hair. Took about 3 hours because we had to keep redoing the bleach, as it wouldn't get light enough. Finally it turned out great. After we finished up I said goodnight and had the last little bit of fish I had left. So exhausted!

3/28/15

Well damn, where do I even begin? The flight down to San Diego I wasn't feeling to badly, thirsty more than anything. We landed on time and I headed down to get my bags. The driver, John, gave me a call as I was waiting for mine to come out letting me know he was there whenever I was ready. My bag finally came out, one of the last ones, and I met John near the doors. He grabbed my bag for me and we walked to his town car. Tried to rest as best I could on our way up to the hotel. Not sure why, probably because I was cutting weight, but it seemed to take forever. Had to stop by CVS on the way up to Temecula so that I could grab a few things. There was one right down the street from the hotel. Finally got there, thanked John and headed inside to get checked in. It was almost 4. Got my room, unpacked, checked my weight, 147.3 and then headed down to do the press stuff. The same AXStv guys were there as always. The girly fighting Tiffany, Chantal Ughi, was finishing up her interview. “You're early”, they say to me as I knocked on the door. “Mother fucker, it's exactly 4, I'm right on time!” I love giving them a hard time. I was so tired, just sat down and rested as I wait. Just wanted to lay down. They were having her do some shadow boxing and I was blown away by how awkward and uncoordinated she was. If I hadn't known better I would have thought this was her first day. Not that you can tell how good someone is just by something like that, but it usually can tell you a lot, we'll see. They finished up with her about 10 minutes later and we got started. Did the interview first, same old questions as always. I'm like, “Why don't you guys just use the footage from last time, it's always the same?”, again just giving them a hard time. After that they had me do some light shadow boxing and a few poses for pictures. Tiffany came in as I was finishing up the interview part, and made me have to redo part of it as it made too much noise. Son of a! Hahaha. So happy to see her. My emotions have been all over the place, hitting hard, always do! It's usually a good sign. Headed up to my room after we finished and layed down for awhile. Kerry said that she would be back around 10:30 tonight and would have the official scale if I wanted to go and check my weight, or in the morning. I decided that I would start some of my weight cut at 9. Was going back and forth between just doing an Epsom bath or an actual work out. I was so exhausted and didn't want to do anything but I knew that it would be good for me to get up and move around a bit. I wouldn't be doing anything tomorrow, other than a bath, so if I didn't move around today that's 2 days in a row of nothing, don't think my body could handle it ha. I got up at 9, checked my weight, 147.3 still, Thai oiled up, put sauna suit and sweats on, cranked up the heat in my room and started stretching out as I watched fights on my ipad. I skipped rope for about 15 minutes, felt so crappy but was feeling better the longer I went. Shadow boxed for 10-15 minutes straight after that, I was drenched and so out of it. I stretched out a bit after that and finished with my usual ab, neck, push up exercises. Hoped in the shower and took the sauna suit off. It was like a flood. The cold shower felt so good. I could have stayed in there all night. Got out and checked my weight on my scale. Was hoping to be around 145 but was elated when I saw 144.3. I hit Kerry up and said that I would just check the official scale in the morning. I knew that mine was close so it didn't matter too much. As usual I felt better after the cut than before. Layed up for a bit watching fights then passed out. I didn't have that heavy heart beat I normally would while cutting weight, which was nice and made it easier to sleep. Slept through the night, thank goodness! Makes a big difference when you don't have to piss every 2 hours. I woke up around 7 and checked my weight, 142.3, nice. Wouldn't been better if more would have came off overnight but I ain't complaining. I went and checked on the official scale at 10 in Kerry's room. It was the same weight as mine. I was so exhausted when I went in there. Had to sign a bunch of posters and turn in my ticket money. She tells me that I only get 15% this time instead of the usual 20% because the casino here is taking more. “Seriously, wtf? I wouldn't have even bothered if I had known that. You guys wait till now to tell me? That's messed up. I know it's not your fault. Just annoyed.” Tiffany had stopped by my room last night and hung out for a bit. She didn't have to cut anything, for once. She already looked super skinny. “I lose my butt”, she says. Which cracked me up. “What the hell? We can't be friends anymore!”, I replied. I got up at 12 after checking my weight at 7. Tiffany came up to keep my company as I cut the last 2 pounds. Easy, but still sucks. She brought me some green alcohol and some fruity gum. I had been killing spearmint all week and just couldn't handle it anymore, it was making me sick. I was dying for some of that Big League Chew that Eddie had the other day. Started filling the tub with as hot of water as I could get it. It didn't seem to be getting all that hot, damnit! A repeat of Japan. Fortunately I had plenty of Epsom salt this time just in case. I wasn't worried. I grabbed a chair and put my ipad on it so I could watch something while I sat in the tub. Grabbed a bag of ice to put over my face when it got rough and hoped in....woosah! Finally got it filled, seemed like it took forever. Tiff came in with her Ukelele. Dunked my foot in, holy hell! Yea, that's plenty hot. Added a little bit of the ice just so I could get in. I had 2+ hours so no need to hurt myself. I just did about 10 minutes completely submerged, 5 just my lower body. Wasn't feeling too bad. I listened to her playing songs and watched this Bill Burr special on Netflix. I got out, wrapped myself up in a bunch of towels and sat against the wall for 10 minutes. I was still pouring sweat. I thanked her as she had to leave and then checked my weight. 140.2, bam, nice! Dried off and checked again just to be sure. 140.1. I checked 4 times, moving the scale into different places on the floor, just to be sure. It was only about 2 so I took a shower and just lay in bed for awhile. I couldn't wait to eat something but more than anything I just wanted a drink. So thirsty! Got to the bar where the weigh ins were being held around 3:30.There was quite a few people there already. Bunch of familiar faces. I checked in, got my paperwork and grabbed a seat. One of the AxsTV guys came and got me, “Want to do your interview with Pat and Michael now?”, he asks. “Of course, let's get all this over with”, I reply. Headed into the back and sat down with them. We chatted for a bit and they wished me the best. Always good talking with them. Headed back out and sat down but then Bennie asked me if I wanted to do my pictures quick and I said sure. Scott brought the belt over so they could get me one with it. I said hi to Yamato after as I walked by him. Nothing personal between us, just business. Chaz and Mark showed up. Chaz had all those protein cookies that Jason had given me. Couldn't wait to eat them. Kirian got there, he had a few post weigh in recover drinks for me. Artem was running late, no big deal, he had some fruit and waters for me but I could always get some if I needed. Seems like the closer the weigh ins got the slower time went and the thirstier I was. Finally the announcer gets on the mic saying that we would be starting soon. Thank goodness. He said they would start with the amateurs first and then work their way up to the pros then the main event. Damnit! Good thing was they would work backwards for our medicals. So as soon as I got to weigh in I could see the doc then get the hell out of there. They started and were moving along relatively quickly. Finally it was my turn. Went up on the stage, got undress and stepped on the scale. 139.5, boom! Yamato was the same. They had us square off for pictures. It was interesting because we had been really friendly ever since our first fight, he even came into the back at my S-cup fight in Japan to say hello and wish me luck, and still are, there's definitely respect between us yet there's still that air of “we're fighting tomorrow and going to try and hurt one another.” It's an interesting dynamic. We shook hands and took some photos for the press. Finally got my Pedialyte. So amazing! Got my clothes on and grabbed the rest of my things and headed back to see the doctor. There was already a line from the amateurs and everyone else but I walked past them all as I as supposed to be seen first. When I got to his office he was already seeing someone. Wtf? Palo Tocha, who was part of the governing body, walks up and tells them that they are supposed to be seeing me first, annoyed. “It's really no big deal”, I say, “I can wait.” Finally they finish and he has me take a seat. “Paperwork?”, he asks. “What paperwork?”, I reply. “They were supposed to give you some”, he tells me. They had given me the corner man licensing form and all that but no medical paperwork, which I had given to Kirian. He says he can start and I told Mark to go and find Kirian to see if he had them. I was so annoyed. I had asked the commission if I needed anything else and they told me no. Mark wasn't able to find him but the doctor told me it was fine and just to have someone bring them back to him. We finished up and I went back out front to sit down. I grabbed my stuff and told Mark that I was going to my room if anyone needed me. I just wanted to rest. Ran into Kirian on the way back He had been at the store getting me some snacks and water. He told me that they had never given him that form but he would handle it. He told me to just get some rest, handed me my stuff and I headed up to my room. Kathleen wasn't going to be there until about 9 to do my IV, which was no big deal, I felt fine. Got to my room and sat in bed, was so happy to just relax and have all of that over with. I had my steel cut oats with protein powder, sun butter, banana and blue berries. Ate that along with 2 baby foods and I was already stuffed yet looking forward to some real food. I had my Out Of The Caves that I had brought in the fridge. Had one of the recovery drinks Kirian had given me as well as the aminos I had brought. Eventually I ate the chicken, sweet potatoes and spinach from Cave. It was so good, I was stuffed. Still felt hungry and thirsty however. The more time that went on the fuller I felt, which was odd as I wasn't still eating. It was as if someone had stuck a balloon in my stomach and was slowly filling it up. I knew that I should still keep drinking but was so full and couldn't fit anything else. Wanted to deflate so that I could have a real meal. I was exhausted, felt so out of it. Artem finally came by with the water and some more fruit. Unfortunately he had gotten Arrowhead, which to me is the nastiest of all waters. It literally tastes as if someone filled it up using a hose out back. I was still grateful and thanked him. We hung out and then Kathleen got there close to 9. I was still so full, worse actually, and felt as if I was slowly slipping into a coma. She hooked me up to the IV incredibly fast as always. Melinda and Kathleen's daughter were with her hanging out in my room as well. I was damn near passed out the entire time. As the minutes ticked by I continued getting fuller and fuller, felt as if I had eaten a bunch of pop rocks and drank some pop. I was in pain, the pressure in my stomach was almost unbearable and felt like it was getting worse. I was having a difficult time just breathing, it was awful. As the IV was finishing I started getting the sweats, the “I'm about to puke” sweats. I sat up quickly thinking I might puke right there. Just breath! Kathleen was finishing pulling the IV out, “I gotta go to the bathroom”, I say with some haste.”OK, just hold this so you don't bleed everywhere”, as she put my hand over the cotton ball she was taping on. I grabbed my phone and ran to the bathroom. I thought I would puke immediately but nothing. I knelt there in front of the toilet but nothing happened, just some burps. My stomach felt like it would burst at any minute if I didn't get this pressure out. I was hurting so badly. I finally decided to force myself and stuck my finger down my throat. Surprisingly more didn't come out, did it again 2-3 more times and again only a little bit. It did help a bit but I was still feeling awful. It took some of the pressure off so I wasn't in agony anymore. I sat there for a bit then got up and lay back in bed. I said goodbye to Kathleen and Melinda and thanked her. I let Artem know that I wasn't going to go eat so that he wouldn't be waiting around. I was telling him what had just happened as Kirian came walking in. Said goodbye to Artem them proceeded to tell Kirian the story. We both tried to figure out what may have been the cause of it. Probably a combination of things. We had done everything the same as far as my refueling after weigh ins as we had following the Tomahawk one, which had gone great, so nothing was raising any suspicions but who knows. I was still feeling pretty awful and full yet my body still wanted food and more re hydration. I didn't know what to do. So exhausted! He asked if I wanted to get up and walk around, that it may help. I knew that it was a good idea but I was just so tired and the last thing I wanted to do was be around a bunch of people. “Maybe I could just walk up and down the hallway”, I say. I couldn't believe this was happening but it's always something right? He told me that he was going to go downstairs and get something to eat. Even though I was still full and feeling crappy I said I'd go. Hopefully walking around will help. Artem sent me a text saying that they had a bomb ass burger spot downstairs. I let Kirian know and we headed out. Moving around was definitely helping me feel better, I still felt so out of it though. I was thinking of getting a soda or something with bubbles in hopes that it would help. Normally I'd never drink soda before a fight but figured it would do more good than bad. Maybe a Sprite. Finally found the burger spot, it was in the food court. I definitely wasn't eating any of that greasy shit and Kirian said he remembered there was a much better one in the casino somewhere just needed to find it. Or was it at Pala? So easy to confuse as they are only about 10 miles apart. He asked an employee and she pointed us to a place. Walking by all the food in the food court had made me hungry, or at least I started craving food a bit. When we got to the restaurant they were closing in 10 minutes but sat us anyway. “No worries, no rush”, they said. We told them we would be quick. I decided that I would at least order something so that I would have it if I got hungry later. It was actually one of the spots that I had been looking at last night when I was trying to find where I wanted to eat today. I ordered the cobb salad and some sweet potato fries. Kirian got a burger, which looked amazing, and a Pepsi. I had a sip, which seemed to help, so ended up ordering a Sprite for myself. I started eating my salad, I was starving but my stomach was still full. Kirian told me to take my time, eat slowly and see how I feel. I ate a little over half of the salad and all of the fries. So good! I was feeling better but exhausted. Had a good talk about our father's and our relationships with them. Packed up the rest of the salad in a to go box and took with me just in case I wanted more later. Headed back up to my room. I started feeling so out of it the second we left the restaurant, as if I was drugged. I could barely even pick my feet up. Made it to my room, Kirian made sure that I was OK, asked if I needed anything, told me to get as much rest as I could and then said goodnight. I was so spent, unfortunately my stomach started doing the same thing again. Aw crap! WTF? I was having a hard time breathing again. I just lay there in bed hoping that I would eventually pass out. Fortunately I finally was able to. I slept OK then woke up around 7am and had a baby food. I was feeling better,out of it like I always do on fight day. I went back to sleep and woke up again at 9, lay in bed and eventually got up at 10 and ordered some breakfast. I didn't have to check in until 3:30 so was going to eat, try and sleep more till 1 or 2 then have some lunch before going down there. I ordered up 3 over easy eggs, bacon, sausage, avocado and sour dough toast. It was so good. I made little open faced sandwiches with it all. I passed back out. Actually had felt nice and rested when I originally woke up at 7 but at 10 I was totally fried out. I got up at 1, Kirian had sent me a text letting me know that he could just get me checked in and that I wouldn't need to be down until 5:30. Nice! Back to bed. Got up at 2, called downstairs to a restaurant and ordered some lunch. “We can't take orders over the phone”, they say. “Not even for someone who is staying here?”, I ask. “OK, I'll come down.” Dumbest thing I ever heard of. Yesterday I tried having room service bring me up some utensils and a bowl and they told me it would be a 2$ charge. Seriously? Don't even bother. It's not the 2$, it's the principal. Take care of your customers! I headed downstairs, it was right by the elevators fortunately. Grabbed a menu and sat down to order. Veggie omelet, no cheese, side of avocado, sour dough toast and a coffee. Came out pretty quickly, paid for it then headed back up to my room. I added the steak to it that I had brought from Out Of The Cave. It was bomb! I was pretty stuffed after that. Feeling better but my stomach was still a bit funny. Lay back down and rested for a bit. Grabbed a shower around 3ish. Mark, Chaz and Kirian stopped by and hung out for a bit. Just watched some fight on my iPad. Kicked everyone out at 5 so I could have a few moments to collect my thoughts. Did my hair and got all my stuff together. I knelt down by the bed and said a prayer. “Thank you for this opportunity to do what I love. I pray for the safety of everyone fighting tonight and that we will be able to put on an amazing show. I pray that my performance will inspire those that see it.” Grabbed my things, double triple checked to make sure I wasn't forgetting anything. “Time to go to work!” Headed out. As soon as I got out of the elevator people were swarming me for photos. The entrance to the venue was pretty much right next to the elevators so it was packed. Finally I got through everyone, Kirian was waiting right inside. He told me that we were all set up in the back and I went and dropped all of my stuff off there. They just had some tents set up outside behind the venue for everyone fighting, just like the last time I fought there against Freddy back in 2008. It was nice and warm out, just the way I like it, yet I knew that by the time I fought the sun would be way down and it would probably be cold. Dropped my stuff, Dam and Mark were out there and then I headed back inside to use the bathroom. They outhouses for us but I ain't using those unless it's an emergency. The amateur card was going on and the was already a good sized crowd. I was bombarded with people asking for pictures as I walked through. As nice as it is I will probably have to stick to the outhouses. I watched a little bit of the fight that was going on as I walked back. I asked Kirian when he thought I'd be fighting. “9-9:30.” It was only 6 now, plenty of time. I started stretching out. Jeff and another female photographer were back there taking photos. I took my time and got a good stretch in. Romie came by for a minute and said hello. So great seeing him....and his monkey hair do haha. The pro/televised card started at 7 and I was going to be the 6th fight. Once the first televised fight got started I had Mark wrap my hands. I was telling him all the crazy stories from when I was in Japan with Chaz, he was cracking up. Chaz came into the back right around then. My hand has been feeling really good for over a year now, which has been amazing considering how much pain I used to be in just hitting pads. I was feeling good, excited to put on a show. Stomach wasn't feeling too great, what else is new, was having a burning sensation. The 'digestzen'(doterra oil) was helping, made sure I remembered it this time. Josh Shepard, who I had seen on the way down in the elevator along with Chidi and a few others from Vegas, won his fight by KO, knee to liver. I didn't get to watch it. I caught a bit of Chasteen's fight, total mismatch. It was the other guys pro debut, he was tough but just didn't have the experience. He got TKO'd in the 4th. Tiffany was getting worked on by her masseuse with an electric massager on the floor out back. Dam Thai oiled me down, he rubbed my stomach out as well which was helping. Mark put my arm bands on and then I started shadow boxing a bit. Caught the end of Victor Saravia's fight, which I had really wanted to see all of. He ended up winning a decision. Did a little bit of pads with Kirian during Ben Yelle and Malaipet's fight. I was feeling good, sharp. Malaipet won a decision. I did some work with Dam during Tiffany's fight. She mauled her opponent, as expected, but the girl was tough and made it to the end. I didn't do anywhere near the warm up I usually do. No clinch, no speed/power kicks, no burn out. Looking back that was probably a mistake. I guess because I wanted to fight smarter and take my time on this fight that I didn't think about it. -The vet had called me right as I was about to leave my room and head down to the venue earlier. I wouldn't have answered if I had known it was her. She let me know that Gatti has T cell lymphoma, which we were just waiting on the test results to see what kind he had, which meant chemo wouldn't be helpful. I had already decided not to put him through that regardless but it was definitely not the best thing to hear about or have on my mind as I was walking out the door.- I went to the bathroom twice more in the outhouses trying to make sure I got everything out, my stomach was still feeling off but nothing new and not as bad as it has been in the past. After I had warmed up with Dam I walked out into the parking lot away from everyone, looked up at the stars and so much peace came over me. So blessed to be doing what I love, regardless of the outcome. Here we are in this giant universe, just specks, and doing what seems to be so important at this moment yet in the grand scheme of things it's really nothing. Always puts things into perspective. After I had hit with Kirian and watched some more fights I shadow boxed a bit and then went back into our changing room/tent. Mark put my flowers and mongkol on. Gaston got my American flag, the one from the Thompson fight, that I had brought and tied it around my glove. I found a little corner to be alone and said a prayer then waited for them to let us know it was time. “Kevin, you're up”, they said and we followed them to the back of the ballroom. Yamato was still waiting to go out so they had us hang back for a moment. They called him out and he made his entrance as they brought us to the waiting area behind the curtains. I gave everyone, Mark, Chaz, Kirian Dam and Gaston, a hug, nearly lost it because I was so emotional...as usual. Gaston put his skull bandana on me and I waited for my entrance music, “The man comes around” by Johnny Cash, to play. I had asked them to keep the intro on it but they skipped it and went right into the song. Figures. Normally I would be looking at everyone in the crowd as I walked to the ring and saying hello, soaking it all in and really enjoying it. This time, however, I kept my focus on the ring and Yamato the entire time. Got to the steps at the ring, took my shoes off and knelt down to say a final prayer. I walked up the steps, Kirian was already on the ring apron holding the ropes down for me. Mark came up behind me and held the ropes as well as I jumped over the top. Bowed to all 4 corners and to Yamato. I didn't seal the ring off as I didn't think there was enough time to, should have regardless, as they were already announcing us. They introduced Yamato first as I just stood there staring at him with a dead gaze, staying focused, then me. I raised my hand and turned around to give thanks to everyone. Coban, our referee, brings us together at center ring, gives us final instructions, we touch gloves and head back to our corners. Mark says a prayer for me and takes off all of my stuff, mongkon, rosaries, flowers, shirt, bandana and flag, which seemed to take forever, not that it was his fault, there was a lot. Kirian gives me some water , some more vaseline and some final instructions as Yamato is waiting to go in his corner. I kneel down quickly, say a prayer and then Coban signals to fight. Yamato comes out by just throwing leg kicks non stop. Inside, outside, inside, not overly hard, just constant. It was more annoying than anything. I was thinking, “what the hell is he doing?” I checked most of them and was taking my time. Figured he would stop soon but just kept at it. Finally I tried to bomb an overhand counter but it fell short. I started walking forward, pressing him, as he continued with the kicks. I threw a hard leg kick counter to one of his inside leg kicks, but only landed with my foot. Started getting my jab going and was slowly starting to feel more comfortable, as I had been feeling a bit stiff. I think part of it comes from the fact I was trying to take my time, which I never do, so was feeling off. I keep pressuring him as he sticks to his game plan. I look for a 1, 2, which I miss then avoid a left kick by leaning back. Finally I land a jab and then dig a hard, outside leg kick. Finally getting in a rhythm. He counters back with his own leg kick, which I catch and fire off a leg kick counter of my own. Keep pressing forward. Staying composed, working my jab but still not really opening up. He keeps up with the leg kicks but the are a lot slower and infrequent. He throws a left body kick, which I catch and fire a hard over hand, which just comes shy of causing any real damage. I shoot a right hand at his head, that just misses and he looks to counter with a hook that I roll with and slam another kick across his lead leg. Things are picking up. Both of us are landing shots back and forth, nothing of any significance, just quick strikes here and there, no real damage. He throws a good body shot, which I saw coming so it didn't cause much damage but it definitely got my attention. I counter back with another hard leg kick. We almost get clinched up but he backs away. Then fires off a snapping front kick, which digs into my stomach, followed by a hard body shot. That hurt! My hands drop to protect my body as he steps in and lands a hard left elbow to my temple. My legs are gone as my equilibrium is scrambled. I try to regain my balance as I wobble to the corner. He immediately rushes in looking to capitalize but Coban starts giving me an 8 count. I do my best to regain my composure. My balance was back but I was in a fog as the count is finished and he tells us to fight on. Yamato rushes me. He gets me against the rope and it's a blur of furious elbows. I keep covered up good, only a few landing solid, but Coban calls the fight off waving his hands. I give him a nod as if to say, “yea, he got me.” I had a huge gash on my forehead, and another small one in my hair line, what else is new, that was pouring blood down my face. Coban comes in to make sure I'm OK, as does the doctor. As soon as it was over it really hit me just how mentally and emotionally drained I had been going into it. I was just in a daze, staring off into nothing, no emotions, just blank and not even from the head trauma. It was just everything I had been trying to put out of my mind in the last week or so in order to make it this fight and now it was over. Kirian comes over and takes care of the cuts and stops the bleeding. I knew how upset he was, how bad he felt for me and how much of this he would put on himself, even though he tried not to show it. I felt more bad just for how he was feeling than myself. Just wanted to let him know I was OK, that it was OK Live to fight another day. They announce Yamato as the winner and gave him the belt, he was so happy. I was happy for him and applauded. He comes over to me, “I'm sorry, I'm such a big fan of you”, barely even able to get the words out as he was so emotional. I thanked him and told him not to worry, I was fine. Chaz and Mark both gave me a big hug and asked if I was OK I got out the ring as Yamato and his team too photos. Mark told me he'd grab all of my things and I walked down the steps and to the back. The crowd gave me a loud ovation, a few people getting out of their seats to shake my hand. Suddenly all of the emotions start hitting me like a freight train and I could barely keep myself together. Fortunately I had a giant gash on my head and an excuse to rush into the back as opposed to stopping with every fan that wanted to meet me and take a photo, which I normally would have done, even though Kirian had bandaged me up good and stopped the bleeding. I ran into Carli's sister, KJ, who I hadn't seen in about 15 years. Gave her a giant hug and thanked her for coming out to see me. Got into the back and sat down as Kirian looked over my cuts. He let me know that the doctor there could stitch me up after the last fight was finished (they had to push two of the amateurs to the end because they were running out of time). Well that's a relief, at least I don't have to go to the hospital. He gave me a hug, told me he loved me and asked if I was OK “I'm fine”, again just felt worse about how everyone else was feeling than myself. I finished the rest of my Pedialyte and then went to the bathroom. Sarah, D'alelio, was there waiting for me. She gave me a giant hug and asked if I was OK As we were hugging Romie, and a few others from LA, came by and asked for a pic. Told them they'd hafta wait till I was done hugging Sarah and then I'd be happy to. They told me how awesome I was, took a bunch of pics and thanked me. Romie was hammered, what else is new. A few other people stopped by as well to get pictures with me and then I headed inside. Ran into Bradley, Jackie, Liz and a bunch of fans. Took pictures with everyone. Kirian came over and told me the doctor told him he needed to clean up my cut so that they could stitch it up, which I thought was an odd thing for a doctor to tell someone else to do. He walked me through the crowd of people that were all waiting out front. Did my best just to keep my head down so that people wouldn't constantly stop me. A few tried but Kirian let them know we needed to go and get this cut cleaned up. I told them I'd be back out. Finally we get to the bathroom. “This is going to hurt but I gotta do it”, he says. “Go ahead, I'll be fine”, I reply. He cleaned it up as best he could with soap and water, definitely stung but no big deal. This ain't my first rodeo! He then walked me back through the crowd. A few people managed to stop me but Kirian tried to usher me past them so I could get me head stitched. “These people are the reason I do what I do, it's fine. I got all the time in the world!”, I say. After the 4th or 5th one Kirian says, “OK, we really do gotta go get him fixed up”, and we headed back into the venue. I ran into Mike Pyle as we walked in, was so good seeing him. Had no idea he was going to be there. Kirian then walked me over to the ring where the doctor was. “OK, I need to have a few words with you first”, he says. “Ummm, OK”, I reply. We went over a few rows and sat down. “You've got a pretty good laceration there, 2 of them. I can fix you up here or you can go to the ER”, he says. “Ya man, fix me now”, I say. “OK, let's go over to the back behind the curtain away from all these people”, he tells me. Walked over with Kirian to the spot where we had made our entrances earlier. Took a seat. Woosah. “OK, I can stitch you or staple. They will both heal just as good but the staples will be much faster to put in”, he tells me. “Ya man, staple me up, that's fine”, I reply as I didn't want to be there any longer than I had to. “This is going to sting a bit”, he says and proceeds to clean the cut with alcohol. He then starts the stapling. “Huh, this hurts pretty good”, I think to myself. Around the 4th or 5th one the pain is beyond intense, sending waves of agony through my entire body, yet on the outside I remain calm and collected, as usual. That's when it hits me, this mother fucker didn't even use any anesthetic, wtf? His girl, or whoever she was, was there watching, seemingly annoyed that it was taking so long. Not sure if they were really in a rush or he just forgot but it was torture. Maybe he wanted to see just how tough I was. I hadn't realized just how big the cut was so I was just letting him finish up because I thought he'd be done soon. Boy was I wrong. 14 staples later he finally finished, each one more painful than the previous. It felt as if he had a giant staple at the end of a pair of pliers and slammed it into my head, which was the least painful part, and then squeezed it together crushing it closed. Holy hell! This was a new kind of pain. I'm sure my lack of reaction didn't help him realize that he'd forgotten to numb me, but I ain't no bitch. Just breathed through it as I had done during my rib tattoo. He finally finished up, tells Kirian that he can take them out in 5-6 days and gives him a sterilized remover tool. I get up and leave, “Mother fucker, that piece of shit didn't even use anesthetic”, I say to Kirian. I was livid. “What, are you serious?” he asks. 'yea, what the fuck?”, I reply. We make our way out. Run into Zoila, Cub and a few others. They all gave me hugs and were astonished, not only how jacked up my head looked but the story I tell them about them being put in. We make our way through the crowds, stopping to take tons of pictures with everyone who asked. Finally we get to the elevators and head up to my room. I tell Kirian that I'm going to take a shower then meet up with him to grab something to eat. I had about a million texts and messages on my phone from everyone. I called Gina and briefly let her know what had happened and that I was OK, as Kirian had told me just how worried sick she was. He told me not to get my head wet until we took the staples out later next week. “Great”, I thought, get to have a funky ass head all week cause I won't be able to watch it. It just keeps getting better. I showered and just used some body wipes on my head so I could do my best to clean it. I still had tons of Vaseline and sweat everywhere, felt so dirty. My head was killing me, vibrating in agony. It was so swollen and looked awful. Mostly from the staples. I talked to Chaz and Mark. We were just going to meet at that same burger place I had been to last night. Got dressed and headed down. The little kid from earlier, his sister and parents were in there. The girl was freaking out, she was a huge fan. Made me smile. We got out of the elevator and I took pictures with them all. The boy comes over to me, “You're still my hero”, and hugged me and wouldn't let go. It seriously melted my heart and took everything I had to keep it together and not burst into tears. He had no idea how much it meant to me. That's what I live for! I thanked them then made my way through the casino, occasionally stopping for pictures with fans. Earlier we had planned on going to sushi, then Lazy Dogs but it all turned out to be too much trouble and I jut wanted to eat so went back to the burger spot. Kirian was with me. We ran into Joe, Drew and a few others along the way and stopped to chat for a minute. When we got there we weren’t sure how many were coming with us . “Like 6ish?”, I say. But then I told them I didn't know, didn't care, just give us a table. I'm starving! Mark, Chaz, (from Syndicate) and his buddy were all came and joined us. My head was killing me! Got chicken wings and hush puppies as an appetizer and then a giant burger. So bomb. I was doing my best just to let go of what had happened. I knew there was nothing I could have done. I only wished that I would have recognized just how bad a shape mentally I was in beforehand so I could have addressed it and been prepared. Not saying that it would have changed anything. After we finished eating I said goodbye to everyone. Chaz said that he would swing by and grab me in the morning around 9. He and another guy from his gym had driven out and stayed at a hotel down the road. Mark came up to my room to grab his stuff. Marssy had texted me earlier when I was eating and asked when I'd be back in my room, which I thought was odd. Told her we'd be back by 11:30 and she let me know she was sending me something. Kirian sat me down and we had a long talk about everything. Did my best to let him know that it wasn't his fault and there's nothing he could have done. “Yes, but it's my job to recognize these things and make the adjustments”, he replies. He told how bad I was from the Gatti thing and he just hadn't realized it. I let him know that the doctor had called me right as I was heading out the door to go to the venue. That, on top of everything, was just too much. A combination of a lot of bad things and bad timing. “The good thing is we can recognize it now, it's just never happened before and ”, he says. “Now we will be able to pick up on it and adjust in the future if we need to”. He takes a minute then, “I need you to take a break man. Be in the gym if you want and help the team out but you need to reset. Go to Peru and do you seminar and when you get back you will have a solid 12 weeks till the next one. Take your time and do this right” “I know man, I will” I reply. Suddenly there is a knock on the door. “Whose that?”, Kirain asks. “One of my friends sent me something”, I reply. A giant table of all kinds of different desserts is brought in by room services. Cakes and pies, about 6 different ones. Holy hell! “You guys gotta help”, I say to Mark and Kirian. I was already so stuffed from dinner but I was at least going to try them all. It was so nice of Marssy and I sent her a message thanking her. We hung out for a bit longer then Mark said goodnight. “Where you staying?, Kirain asks. “Don't know, I'll figure it out”, he replies. I told him he was more than welcome to crash in my room. “Naw, I'll be OK man”, he tells me. I thanked him for coming out and finished talking with Kirian. “You need anything else man?”, he asks. “Naw, I'm good” I reply. He told me to enjoy my vacation and that he'd hit me up in a few days to check in on me. Hugged and thanked him, for everything and told him not to worry. It was after midnight and I was exhausted. Set my alarm for 8, brushed my teeth (while looking at my giant swollen, F'd up head), then lay in bed. I finished off my yogurt pretzels and cookies. I was beyond stuffed. Did my best to sleep but just couldn't. I never can after fights, too wound up, and now dealing with this excruciating pain. It was useless. I replied to a bunch of Facebook, Twitter and Instagram messages. Wrote a thank you post to everyone with a picture of my staples. I finally got to sleep around 5ish only to wake up before my alarm. 2 hours, wonderful! I was so exhausted and my head was still killing me. At least my body didn't hurt. I took a quick shower, brushed my teeth, packed and headed downstairs. I checked out then grabbed a seat waiting for Chaz. This giant, Native American man comes over with his wife. Introduces himself and shakes my hand. He tells me great fight, etc, and goes on to say how he used to box and be a champ. I talked to him for a bit till they had to leave. “Goodbye, God bless”, he says. I ran into Harry and Bien (from CSA) as well. “How's your head? Great fight!”, Harry says. I thanked them for coming and then Chaz picked me up shortly after. We headed out to USKO, where Chaz was doing his seminar. We stopped at a bomb breakfast spot that was in this little town on the way. Had a crappy cinnamon roll and then an omelet. I was so stuffed, still was a bit full from last night. We had hit a bakery before that and gotten some coffee's. We got to the gym around 11:30. Jason, Caldwell, was there waiting for us. He let us in, showed us around then he too me to get some more coffee at this little spot in the same parking lot. Just got a regular, small coffee and a gluten free donut, which was pretty good. “What happened to your face?”,the girl behind the counters asks. I tell her I tripped then go on to tell her what really happened. Headed back to the gym. His es, Diana, and their kid were there. She brought Chaz and I both trays of monkey bread. I was so stuffed and sick of food that I only ate ¼ of it and gave the rest to Chaz's friend. I sat on a bench and wrote in my journal as Chaz taught. The seminar went great, a few of our old friends from Vegas had driven out to take it. It was great seeing them. Artem was supposed to pick me up but was running late. I told him to just meet us wherever we ended up going to get lunch. Bradley met up with us, I still owed him 50$ for his ticket, and we all headed to this sandwich spot about 15 minutes away, which was amazing. I was so full, again. Artem met us there, I said goodbye to everyone and we headed out. It was over an hour to get back to San Diego. I had no idea it was that far away when I had asked Artem for a ride, or else I wouldn’t have. He told me it was no big deal. Finally got back to his place and I just plopped down on the couch. Felt so good to just relax finally.- I grubbed a lot that whole week I was out in S.D. I chilled and kept it relatively under control as far as the overeating goes. About 50% off my worst. Sushi, Subway, Ramen, Thai food, chocolates, ice cream and the list goes on. One day I went and chilled at the pool but when I took the elevator back to his place I could not for the life of me remember what floor he was on or what condo was his. I had to search 4 different floors till I finally found it and I couldn't call Artem because I forgot my phone. On top of that I forgot the password to my phone when I finally got it. I couldn't remember anything, felt so brain dead. One morning I got up, went to Bristol Farms, had breakfast and just sat there writing in my journal. It was so beautiful and relaxing. I had intended to just get a small breakfast but somehow ended up with a giant table full of food all for me. It was so amazing. Artem and I went to Hodads one day. It took so long and right before our food came out I saw why. An entire basketball team had called in earlier and order crates of food. When we finally did get our food it was the best thing ever. A guy walks past and says, “I've never seen anyone put down that much food all at once before.” I cracked up, “What? That was nothing”, I reply. We went and got some Pho' at this one bomb spot another day. I ordered this, what I thought was some kind of Asian roll but turned out to be this giant, nasty, taco thing. After Hodads, the one day, we went to Bear Bear, which was this amazing, ice cream sandwich, spot. You decide which of 3 outsides you want, donut, brownie or cookie. Then you decide what kind of ice cream and toppings you want inside. Holy hell! Artem tells me just to order one of each and he will help me, which again was a lit. Had to eat it all by myself. I trained on Thursday, ran and did bag work. When I was finally back in the bay Kirian took my staples out, after this photo shoot I had to do for TufMed. Kirian sent me to the quick care once he removed them as he noticed my sin was overlapping, seeing as how half the staples were actually into the cut. 3 others weren't even over it. WTF? They basically told me there was nothing they could do about it, I'd need to see a plastic surgeon, and just put some strips on it and sent me home with more. When I got home I saw just how bad the staple job had been and how awful my head looked. Besides the fact that there's no way this would heal right because the skin was completely over lapping. Went to sushi with Gaston, Eddie, Zoila and Steph. I was furious. I sent a picture to Rhonda of it, she was shocked. Told me that if I could get to Vegas she'd be happy to try and fix it. I told her I'd be on the first flight that I could get out. If I didn't get this fixed it could have easily ruined my career. Fortunately Bobby was nice enough to use his sky miles to get my flight. I left at 8am the next day. My sister picked me up and had breakfast with her and my nephews. Got in to see Rhonda at noon and she fixed me up. Easily just pulled the cut apart, thought she was going to have to cut it. Stitched me, which sucked as always. I thanked her, she did an amazing job, then my sister picked me up. My head was killing me all over again, as if it had just happened. I stayed at Chaz's that night and was back home Monday. Trained a bit during the week. Wanted to unfat myself before I go to Peru because I know that I won't be able to diet there, which I'll need to because the next fight is closing in.


-The End

1 comment:

  1. i'm reading slowly all your posts , you are a great inspiration for me. Respect for you.
    Regards and sorry my english..

    ReplyDelete